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Not As Boring by Ray Printer Friendly

That last post was really boring. I mean, sure I linked to some really cool shoes, butÖdamn. I would delete it, but, you knowóI linked to some really cool shoes.

I wrote that post on Sunday morning. I do a lot of writing on Sunday morning, and you see pretty much none of it. Why? Because itís the same caliber of writing as that last post.

Truth be told, I wouldnít have even posted that shit if I hadnít put all the work into tracking down the links. To make it up to you, I will now juggle a midget, a monkey, and a chainsaw. Nah, thatís too easy. Okay, Iíll give the chainsaw to the monkey, then Iíll juggle that monkey with the chainsaw along with a midget, andÖthis rattlesnake!

I know you canít see any of this, so Iíll have to describe it to you, which means that along with juggling these things, Iíll also be typing. I can do it, because Iím very amazing.

So far, itís looking pretty grim for the midget. I mean, you have this chainsaw-wielding monkey, and then you have this rattlesnake, and then you have this midget thatís just flying around, trying not to get chopped up or bitten. I should give him a weapon, too. Ah-ha! Iíll give him this other midget to use as a weapon.

Okay, so Iím juggling, juggling, jugglingónothing much going on except for the monkey is trying to figure out how to work the chainsaw. And the snake just bit me. The midgets are talking about tax breaks.

Oop, the monkey has the chainsaw up and running, and he seems to be pretty happy about it. Monkeys throw feces when theyíre happy, right? And masturbate? This is the happiest damn monkey ever, then. In fact, while I juggle the monkey, the monkey is juggling his feces, his chainsaw, and his monkey masturbation.

It seems this has upset the midgets. One of them got hit by either the chainsaw or the fecesóI canít tell which at this time. The other midget is swinging the injured one around like madóprobably trying to knock the chainsaw out of the monkeyís hand. The snake isnít so much being juggled at this point as it is just being attached to my hand, injecting me with deadly poison.

One of the midgets has a switchblade knife, and heís threatening the monkey. The other midget has just torn the snake from my flesh, and is now using that as a weapon.

My juggling act isnít going quite as well as I had expected, and Iím sorta dizzy. That monkey nicked me with the chainsaw a minute ago, and I canít seem to find the finger anywhere around. Itís getting hard to concentrate on juggling the midgets, the monkey, and my finger.

Hey, waitÖwhat?

I think the snakeís laughing at me, but itís so hard to tell because he has a mouth full of Cheetos. I donít know where the monkey went off to, but Iím pretty sure Iím not juggling anymoreójust kind of tossing a couple of midgets about. One of them keeps hitting me with the cutty part of the knife, and the other is hitting me with aÖhey, thatís my rattlesnake!

The monkey has found my liquor, and Iím thinking about having him type the rest of this article for me.

Is that an angel? Or another monkey?

Whose knife is this, and why is it in my stomach. I wish that furry midget would quit being a monkey, and I wish that angel would not start my couch on fire like it seems to be doing. I donít know where this blowgun dart came from, or why itís stuck in my neck, but I think Iím going to sleep now.

I libe a bittle tick of brewing chum. Tastes so cimonumific an Ima so be a hit at the big party when I whale up.

No laffing!

The midget and the monkeys win. The snake is an extension of me now.


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