So itís my first day out here. Incidentally, by the time youíre hearing this part of the track, youíll already have been watching the movie for at least twenty minutes. So another month and a half of my life has gone by, and another twenty minutes of your life has gone by. Wrap your noodle around that. I was supposed to be out here sooner, but there were all kinds of protests and shit, and the whole project almost got scrapped. Freedom of Expression prevailed, though, so here I am.
You wanna know the set-up? Hereís how it works: Iím wired for sound, and this shit is so advanced that it would totally high-tech your ass off. They pierced my ear, right? But this is no regular ear stud, no sir. This is a combination microphone/transmitter. Anything I say will be instantly transmitted to this special studio and recorded. But hereís the beauty of itóno one will have access to those recordings until after my three months are up.
See, we decided that we didnít want to expose anyone to my dying words, not while Iím muttering them, anyways. The studio figured that if someone was actually listening to the audio as it was processed, they might be tempted to interfere. Save my life, if Iím dying, you know?
Same thing with the water drop. They drop my water half a mile away, at a specified location, and they only do it when they know that Iím not there (they can tell where Iím at by the transmitter in my ear).
Other than water, I have no help.
What I do have, however, is cameras. Iím surrounded by the sons-a-bitches. Thereís a special little rig they set up, itís like a belt you put on, but it sticks out about two feet in front of you. Imagine a hula-hoop that was perpetually stuck around your waist. Thatís this thing. It has cameras mounted all over inside it, so they get pictures from every angle. They showed me the technology, and it was just amazing, like how they did in that movie The Matrix. Itís all digital, so they arenít using up loads of film, and that gives them access to loads more stuff. I would hate to be the guy that has to wade through and edit this shit.
Thereís also a little set-up in my tent, where I can sit and talk about my day or my ďprivate thoughts,Ē as the studio put it. as well as another one in my other ear. Itís mostly there so you can see what Iím seeing, but I saw it demonstrated, and you can see a bit of my profile as well. Itís all really cutting-edge stuff.
Iím obligated to wear the ear-ring camera all the time, and Iím supposed to wear the hula-cam (my name for it) most of the day, too. There are clauses so that I wonít be punished if I lose my mind and forget to use the hula-cam, assuming I live through this experience.
Just in case I forget, though, there are also cameras stashed all over my camp grounds, as well as the surrounding area. Tons of Ďem. I doubt the studios get a chance like this very often, and they donít want to have me dying off-camera somewhere.
Thatís the technical side of things, or as much of it as I understand, anyways. So letís move on.
They supplied me with a really nice tent, and a little lantern thatís supposed to last for a month or so. I had the option of bringing more fuel for it, but as I was allowed only a limited amount of baggage, I passed. The cameras all have night-vision, so it was no skin of the their back, you know?
They supplied the tent, a sleeping bag, the lantern, and enough food to last the first week or so. I was also allowed to bring two suitcases, full of whatever I wanted.
They asked me to bring some items that had emotional value for me, so that I could paw through them sentimentallyóit would be good for the movie, the saidóbut I argued that I needed the space for shit that would actually keep me alive, not a bunch of knick-knacks that I could fondle when I was feeling emotional. They gave in on that one, but I still brought a couple of things that arenít essential to survival.
A picture of Alex and I at my parentís house last Christmas, a couple of candles that smell like her perfume, and a G.I Joe action figure, just name a few. The action figure is ScarletóAlex got it for me when she found out that I had had a huge crush on the feisty redhead back when I was a kid. I brought a couple of other things, but nothing too big. Nothing worth talking about.
Mostly I brought foodóI did a lot of research about what kind of stuff would last the longest. I kind of feel like Iím cheating bringing all this foodótheoretically, Iíll be able to make it through the first two months without even having to worry about trying to find food. But they made the rules, you know? I want to rid myself of the outside world for a while, and as suicidal as it sounds, Iím actually not trying to kill myself.
I just came out here to think, if you want to know the truth. I just want to figure some things out. I doubt I ever would have done this kind of thing if there wasnít some douche-bag network offering me tons of money to do it, but I probably would have been tempted.
So I might mention more about the technology or the rules or whatever, but Iím not really planning on it. Iím mostly planning on just rambling on about my life, trying to figure out how it all went so wrong.
The thing is, it wasnít like it was horrible, you know? I had a loving family, a great woman, and a pretty good life, for the most part. But Iím out here in the middle of the desert right now, and Iíll be here for the next three months. Thereís a really good chance that Iíll die out here. So I think itís safe to say that something went wrong somewhere.
Incidentally, ff I die, Iíve decided that half of my money goes to my parents, a quarter goes to my brother, and a quarter goes to my fianÖto Alex.
None of them wanted it. They all said that they wouldnít take my suicide money. At one point, I snapped at my brother and told him he could take it, leave it, or cram it up his assóit wouldnít matter to me because I would be dead. He just started crying. My big brotheróthe dude that Iíve looked up to for as long as Iíve looked up to anyone, he just started crying. I hung up the phone, you know?
I justÖcouldnít stand to hear it. That was when I stopped talking to my family. I mean, I knew I was hurting them, pulling this crazy shit, but I felt like this was really something that I needed to do. I donít mean for the money, and certainly not for the fame. I donít mean that this movie was something I needed to do, either. I mean that I had to take myself out of the world for a while.
Have I already said this? Youíll have to excuse meóI didnít get much sleep this past week. Been real nervous. I wonder how theyíll edit this crap for the movie. I think they said it was going to run longóLord of the Rings long. In fact, there was talk just before I left of making it a two-part movie. That was after all the controversy about sending a man to his death for entertainment purposes. Nothing like a huge moral debate to pull in the crowds.
This guy Chet that I spent a lot of time with, talking things over and stuff, he told me he figured I would be entertaining enough for a sequel, easy, and figured that if I actually died, theyíll probably make a trilogy. I wasnít sure if I should be flattered or just punch him in the face.
I wonder what tonight will be like. Iím tired, but I donít know if Iíll be able to sleep. Still pretty nervous. I wonder what the next three months will be like, actually.
I hope I donít die out here.
Although, you know, Iíll make tons of money if I do.