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Hoome For Bathing! by Ray Printer Friendly

So I got home from work tonight, ate a little supper, and went to take a shower. This is all pretty standard stuff, as far as my post-work routine goes.

The trouble started while I was in the shower, as trouble so often does.

I should probably start out by telling you that I am no newcomer to the shower game. Iíve been doing it for some time, now. Iíve been doing it by myself for over twenty years.

Iím not just telling you this because itís something I like to brag about. Iím telling you because it seems like after doing something for twenty-odd years, you would get the hang of it. Especially doing something as low on the difficulty scale as bathing yourself.

Not the case.

I washed my hair with no problem. Apply, rinse, repeat, Iím doing good. Heck, man, I even used conditioner, because thatís how self-assured I am in the shower. Iím not scared of a little extra work, especially if the pay-off is shiny, healthy hair, you know?

Then it was time to wash my face, and this is where the trouble began. Hereís how I do it: I lather up my face real good, scrubbing my forehead and cheeks especially goodómostly because those spots are so convenientóbefore moving back to my ears. After Iím done with my ears, Iíll use some worked-up lather from my hands to wash my eyelids, under my nose, and any other sensitive face-areas that I can think of. Then I rinse everything off and move on to all the other places that need washed.

So Iím washing, washing, things are going good, and then I somehow managed to get soap up in my nose. I donít know if youíve ever had soap up in your nose, but if you havenít, let me tell you: it doesnít belong up there.

It stings.

It makes me sneeze. And one thing you really shouldnít do while your face is covered in soap suds is sneeze. Not if you sneeze like I do, anyways. Because when I sneeze, I open my mouth right before, and I take a breath. Apparently, I open my eyes a little, too. I didnít realize this until just a while ago.

You know, while my eyelids were all lathered up. So while inhaling a pile of suds through my mouth, Iím also getting soap in my eyeballs. And rapid-fire sneezing.

I managed to rinse off my face without drowning myself, but it was a close thing. The worst part is, I still had to finish my shower. Actually, no, thatís not true.

The worst part is, I had soap in my eyes, in my nose, down my throat, and more than likely in my lungs. The having to finish the shower thing, that was just a little shit frosting on top of the eff-you cake.

So hours later, Iím still sneezing every thirty seconds or so, my eyes still burn, and when I inhale deeply, thereís an odd sounding wheeze that I havenít heard come from my body since I quit smoking (itíll be a year and a month come this weekend). Also, coughing fits and a constant runny nose.

Hooray for bathing!


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