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Welcome To July--I'll Be Leaving Now by Ray Printer Friendly

July is “in the house,” as it were, and I for one, am really excited. I’m sorry…that’s not true. The part about me being really excited, I mean. Very seldom do I get worked up about the arrival of a new month.

Perhaps if I got paid at the first of the month, I could work up some enthusiasm. Or if someone gave me a big bag of Skittles. “Hey, man, it’s July first, here’s your ten-pound bag of Skittles.”

“Thank you, July! I’ve been waiting for this!”

“What do you even do with all those Skittles?”

“Last month, I made a mosaic on the outside of my apartment building, of a giant ant attacking a village of orange-eyed bananas. The month before, I strew them all about at the old folks home and won not once, not twice, but three times on America’s Most Hilarious Videos—old people falling is a dead-on lock.”

“That sounds like a blatant misuse of Skittles.”

“This month, I’m going to use them to make puppy-killing weapons.”

“Give those back.”

“Why don’t you try to take ‘em?”

“I’m calling the cops…”

Yeah, I could totally go for some Skittles right now. Ten pounds of them. Ten pounds of puppy-slaying deliciousness would really hit the spot.

So I’m leaving in the morning to go visit my people, and this is actually the first time I’ll be traveling without a laptop—due to a faulty power cord that shorts out every time you move the computer, our laptop is now a desktop. No big loss, really, considering the fact that I never have internet access when I go home to visit, anyway, and considering the fact that I rarely write anything that warrants using up precious internet space in the first place.

I’m not sure how long I’ll be there—sort of depends on whether it’s a fun, relaxing visit or insanely boring or stressful or what. After the last couple weeks, what I need is time to just chill out and ignore the world. Sometimes the ole hometown is perfect for that kind of thing, and other times it’s just a place to stew in misery.

And that’s about all my news for the month.

So yeah, it’s July: I don’t have nearly enough Skittles, there are entirely too many old people and puppies running around, and I think we all know that shit doesn’t always work out like it should.

Happy new month, everyone.


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