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My Favorite Conversation-Ender...Ever by Ray Printer Friendly

“So one thing she liked about me, she said, was that I was calm and level-headed, th-”

“Wait. What?”

“What?”

“She said she liked you because you were calm?”

“Yeah. This was a long time ago, man. I went through a phase in my life where I was very serene, didn’t get upset about things, and was generally, yeah, a calm guy.”

“I can’t imagine you being calm. I mean, out of all the ways I could see you, being calm isn’t really one of them.”

“It was a brief period of my life, but, yeah—very calm.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Because I just don’t see it.”

“See it or not, motherfucker, it’s true.”

“Okay, okay. Go on.”

“Why is it so hard to imagine that I was calm, cool, and collected?”

“I don’t know. I guess, you know, because I know you now.”

“Ah. Good point. Anyways, we used to just sit around and talk. She had all kinds of drama in her life, and she said talking to me kind of muted that.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just…I’m having trouble understanding this. Talking to you was calming? I mean, you weren’t part of the drama?”

“Are you gonna let me tell this story, or what?”

“Yeah, man, tell it. I was just clarifying.”

“So yeah, one night, we’re sitting there talking, and she’s like, ‘Ray, it’s weird, but when I’m with you, the world doesn’t seem like such a crazy place. When I’m around you, I feel like it might be okay, like things will work out, like there might actually be a happy ending.’”

“And you’re like, ‘So are you gonna suck this or what?’”


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