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The Infamous Line--Brokeback Style by rik Printer Friendly

I'm afraid this is a bit overdue, but I wanted to get it in on the April issue so that it would at least be on the same page as the post it's referring to.

Yes. I called Ray, and told him I had something important and serious to tell him. Yes, I could tell he was immediately concerned, and probably a bit freaked out, so I did build the line up more than what I had originally intended. And yes. The important thing I had to tell him was indeed the line from "Brokeback Moutain": I wish I knew how to quit you.

I hate that line. Hate it. It annoys me to no end. From the first time I heard it on a commercial for the movie when it was in theaters, I hated it. I was watching television, watching the commercial, thinking, "huh, I wonder how that's going to go over" and actually thinking that it might be an alright movie. Then I heard Jake Gyllenhaal's voice say (with an incredibly hick accent) "I wish I knew how to quit you." Suddenly, this movie I had heard so much about became a joke. Why? Who the fuck says that? Does anybody? And if they do, who are these people? And if these people are you, then stop it. Please.

See, when I was in third grade, I remember using that phrase: quit you. You didn't go out with someone, you "went with them." You didn't break up with someone, you quit them. So, at recess everyday, it was always exciting to see who quit who, and who was going with who. It was not uncommon to hear something like, "Faith quit John" or "Faith's going with Dennis" or "Ray quit Trent." Ok, that last one never happened (I'm sure they didn't break up until sometime after high school. Calm down, Ray. I kid, I kid!)

At some point growing up, you realize that using these phrases are completely insane. They just sound stupid. So you start talking like normal people. "Did you hear? Faith fucking dumped John's ass." Like that.

So all of this Oscar buzz surrounding the gay cowboy film--nonsense. How could ANY movie with that line win an Oscar, much less a movie with that line in it delivered that way? I watched the film when it came out on DVD, and quite frankly, I was bored through the first 30 minutes, loved the last 20 minutes, and everything inbetween just left me with the feeling of "well, huh." And where do you think they stuck that horrible line? In one of the most dramatic scenes of the movie. I shit you not. So while Innis and Jack were just on the verge of ending it all, Jack pops off with that line, and I just lost it. We actually had to push stop just so that we could laugh and then go watch the rest of the scene.

So, yes. I do hate that line. But instead of hating it with the passion that I usually reserve for all things detestable (Justin Timberlake, overplayed songs on the radio, people who hate Troy Aikman, etc.), I decided to embrace this hatred, and use it for comedic relief. So it's really a love/hate relationship now.

I wish I knew how to quit it.


Comments:
Entered By Ray From Austin
2006-04-27 04:08:01

First of all, I don’t think Faith ever quit anyone—the girl sat around with French fry boxes on her head, for Pete’s sake. Second of all, Trent and I still go on our “fishing trips” in the mountains. Make no mistake—nobody but nobody wishes they knew how to quit Ray (not even you, Rik). Third of all, it’s common of Hollywood to ruin touching scenes. For instance, if you ever see that movie Armageddon, when Ben Affleck is crying out for Harry not to die, check out the size of his head—bigger than the asteroid, I think. Just a giant—nay: enormous—head. All throughout the movie, in fact. Katie Homes talks out of the side of her mouth all through her final moving speech in Batman Begins, which I found very disconcerting (I’ve heard that she actually talks out of the side of her mouth all the time, but I think Batman Begins is the only thing I’ve seen her in, and frankly, all the other scenes she was in, there was something cooler to look at—like Batman freakin’ beginning). Julia Roberts has her freakishly large lips that always seem to distract me. Hugh Grant always sidetracks me with his total bitchism—dude, just get the operation and quit living the lie. Basically, any Oscar-worthy performance is going to be screwed up by people being overly dramatic. It’s like a fact of life, only without the tough biker chick from Brooklyn.


Entered By rik From Unknown
2006-04-27 14:54:50

You know, you're right. Faith probably never did quit anyone. And I don't want to know anything about your "fishing trips." And, as a matter of fact, I did notice the size of Ben Affleck's head during the movie--somebody was was kind enough to point that out REPEATEDLY and a bit LOUDLY. Thank you.


Entered By Ray From Austin
2006-04-28 07:27:33

Good ole Affleck's head. Freakin' huge.


Entered By rik From Unknown
2006-04-28 14:37:30

Enough already.


Entered By Ray From Austin
2006-04-28 18:22:25

I mean, it's just so HUGE!



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