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My Clock by Ray Printer Friendly

So Iím sitting out here in my writing area, trying to do my thing, but I keep getting distracted. Iíve been checking out past issues, because I have the attention span of a frog on cocaine right now. If youíre never seen a frog on coke, you are totally missing out. Itís like that game ďFrogger,Ē but there are a lot more dead catsÖdonít ask.

Anyways, so I canít seem to get anything written. Iíll be honest with you: that story that Iíve been posting: Emotion, Unchecked? Not finished. When I first started posting it, I thought, ďYeah, Iíll just come home tonight and finish it off.Ē

Yeah. I keep falling asleep, or talking to my friends on the phone, or reading back-issues of The Strangelands. Canít seem to stay on-task. The great thing is, I donít have to. I can go all over the place, talk about whatever I want to, do what I want. Donít worryóI wonít leave you hanginí if youíve started reading the story (lots of people just wait until I have the whole thing posted before they start reading). Itíll be finished before the morning light, I assure you. Maybe not tomorrowís morning light, but for sure some morning light.

But itís nighttime right now, early evening, no matter what that bastard-ass clock tells me. Actually, I shouldnít talk bad about my clock. I really like it. Donít ask me why, but Iíve formed a real attachment to my alarm clock. Strange, considering that its light keeps me awake some nights, and considering that the damn thing wakes me up every morning.

One thing I like about it is that itís got blue numbers instead of red. Iíve had it with read digital readouts, I donít care. Another thing I like about it is that itís so easy to set the time. Instead of having to push a button over and over and freakiní over again (or hold it down and wait for the thing to build up speed), you just turn a wheel. Awesome. And the best feature is the programmable ďsnoozeĒ button.

Iíve never been a ten-minute snooze kind of guy. For one thing, I hate the word ďsnooze.Ē For another thing, I need one more minute. Just one, thatís it. I wake up eleven minutes later, I feel like I really got something accomplished by going back to sleep. I got that extra rest that I needed. Donít get me wrongóIím still a grumpy, bumping-into-walls, blurry-eyed mess when I wake up. But not nearly as bad as I was eleven minutes ago.

Of course, these are all just features. The relationship I have with my alarm clock goes deeper than that. We have a bond.

Like if someone threw my alarm clock out the window so that they could ďsee time fly,Ē I would probably kick the shit out of them. And then I would go down to the parking lot, and pick up my clock, and nestle it close to my chest, and I would weep, and then I would turn my face to the sky and I would scream ďNoooo!Ē

It would be very dramatic, and if you happened to be passing by, you would probably burst into tears just from bearing witness to the scene. And you would probably want to throw a sympathy screw my way, but Iím afraid I would have to decline.

I like my clock, is alls Iím sayiní. I mean, I donít want to go on nature hikes with it or anything, but as far as having an annoying contraption that wakes me up every damn morning goes, itís the best. In fact, I know that Iíve written a post about it before, but I donít know which one. Iím not saying that to taunt you, I just wanted to get it out there in case youíre like, ďDude, this guy writes about his alarm clock all the time.Ē Iím aware of my problem, thank you very much.

So, yeah, I have absolutely nothing to say. Glad you could join me for it.

Entered By Trey From NYC
2006-04-07 17:00:26

Don't know about the rest of you, but when I click the 'clock' link, all I see is some chump in a '$15.57 Bureau Tee VANILLA shirt' (a shopperschoice.com featured item). Ray, is the guy in the shirt your alarm clock? Is his 'glow' the one that keeps you awake at night? Are you going to nestle him to your chest and weep when he's thrown out the window? *Sigh* I thought I was the only one...

Entered By Ray From Austin
2006-04-07 21:19:21

His name is Petey and he's the best clock ever. You're a good friend, Trey, but a shitty alarm clock. You woke me up in the middle of the night instead of the end of it.

Entered By Ray From Austin
2006-04-07 21:22:36

There--now the link goes to a REAL clock, for all of you who won't roll with my delusions.

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