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Daylight Save This by Ray Printer Friendly

Note from Ray: I actually wrote this late Saturday night, but while writing it, I got so pissed off that I took like twelve shots right in a row—one of the cons of not smoking is that when you get all angry and worked up, you can’t just have a cigarette to calm down. Apparently, one cigarette equals about ten shots of Jim Beam, and then you just pass out on the bathroom floor, covered in vomit and—for some strange reason—mustard-tainted oatmeal. You then spend the whole next day fighting off the cops that have come to arrest you because of what the neighbors claim you did to their pet birds, and…well, you know the rest. Sorry I didn’t get this posted last night, when it really would have mattered.

Man oh man. Been fooling around since…well, since I woke up, I guess. Haven’t really gotten anything done today, but that’s okay, because it was a Saturday. I changed the settings on my computer so that everything looks super-cool, and I took some pictures, but other than that, not much. I did a little writing—I think I’ll have a story for this week, and that’s nice to know.

Oh, yeah, and I sorted through loads of music, picking out the songs I liked and throwing them onto a play list. Getting a great play list worked out is awesome, I think. It’s like when you’re about to have sex, you’re unzipping your pants, and pretty much the only thought going through your head is something like, “Oh, man, this freakin’ rocks.” Maybe it won’t work out nearly as well as you think it will, but at that moment, at that one point in time just before you hit the start button, the world is incredible.

Of course, it’s me, and I translate almost everything to a sexual experience. Like, have you ever found the perfect head of lettuce? Because that, my friend, is totally a sexual experience. Until they take away the jar of mayonnaise, I mean. And knock the lettuce out of your hands. And then they spray that burny shit in your eyes and haul you away to the station and you remember pulling up into the garage, and you remember them talking about how you’re a disgrace to the human race, and they’re pulling out their clubs, and jerking you out of the car, but after that…

Wait, what was I talking about? Where am I? Um, so, yeah, I really like swimming.

I was trying to get to bed early tonight, so that I could actually enjoy a part of my weekend that had sunlight involved, but I just don’t feel that’s going to happen. Oh, and it’s freakin’ daylight saving time weekend. What a shitty event that is. One thing about me is, I hate daylight saving time. If I ever found out who invented it, I would kick them right in the balls. If it was a woman—and it probably was, probably some chick that I dated and pissed off and that’s how she gets back at me is build a time machine and go back and invent daylight saving time—I will actually perform surgery on her until she has balls, and then I’ll kick ‘em. Because that’s how much I hate daylight saving time.

Wow. You know what? I once heard that Arizona didn’t do the whole stupid-ass time-change thing, so I checked out Wikipedia. You know what I found out? That starting next year our government has decided to make it last longer. Instead of April to October, it will last from March to November.

Fuck every politician. It takes a lot to get me involved in politics, but I will not rest until I have every one of you bastards out on your ass. What do you gain from ruining my life, you shitlickers? Huh?

This is truly an outrage.

Oh, yeah, and there’s also an “Origin” section. The Germans, man. It’s always the freakin’ Germans, isn’t it? That evil ex-girlfriend of mine had to go all the way to World War I Germany in order to find some place evil enough to put daylight saving time into effect. Oh, and sure enough, Arizona doesn’t put up with that shit. They say it’s because of air conditioning costs, but I bet it’s because they’re all, “Hey, man—we’re Arizona, okay? We have all sorts of poisonous bugs and snakes and shit, and we’re in the middle of the desert. We aren’t waking up an hour earlier, too, you bastards.” I’m with you, Arizona.

Seriously, this is such shit. You know what I’m going to do this summer? I’m going to run my air conditioner all summer, no matter if I have to wrap up in blankets to stay warm. I’m going to leave the lights on all the time. I’m going to sneak into other people’s homes, and turn on their lights and air conditioners, I’m going to turn their lights on, I’m going to waste as much energy as I possibly can. You know why? Because fuck saving energy if it means I have to go to bed earlier, wake up earlier, and put up with this stupid daylight saving bullshit!

So, yeah, that’s how I feel about that.

Entered By rik From Unknown
2006-04-03 11:49:45

Huh. I always thought we had daylight savings time because of farmers. Who know?

Entered By Ray From Austin
2006-04-03 12:12:15

Wikipedia know...

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