So it’s like, what, April Fools Day? Sheesh. You know, like people across the world, I think Valentine’s Day is stupid. One of the main reasons is that if I spend the entire year showering my loved one with, you know, love, then why should I have to go all-out on this one day to prove it? I know that there are all kinds of girls out there that would argue with this kind of thinking, and that’s because they’re desperate for attention, or perhaps just greedy. I’m not here to debate. Unless you want to—in that case, I’ll see you in the comments section after school.
What I’m here to say is, as I will not condone celebrating one day of love, nor will I celebrate one day of being a fool. While I’m at it, I won’t celebrate getting stinking drunk just on Saint Patrick’s day, or starting shit on fire just for the Fourth of July. These are things I do year-round, and I won’t be restricted.
To tell you the truth, I hate April Fools Day. Always have, even though I never really had shit done to me. Just hated the whole idea. I’m not really going to get into it, because the story I had planned on telling, I told it last year.
I think this will be the last year that I talk about how much I hate April Fools. I mean once you go, “Yeah, I totally freakin’ hate that day,” what else is there to say, really?
I’m glad it’s on a weekend this year. I can just avoid society for a day and be done with it for another year. Sort of like I do on Christmas and any other time of the year where you’re required to buy people things.
Maybe here’s what I’ll do—I’ll go back to the retail store I used to work, I’ll pull the store manager aside, and I’ll tell him that since my grandparents just died in a terrible plane accident, I’ve come into some money. I’ll explain to him how I want to buy the biggest plasma television he has to offer, and the home theater to go with it. I’ll tell him how I want to buy all the extra cables that go with it, and the extended warranty plan, the one that lasts the longest. And then, when they’re ringing me all up, I’ll say that I forgot my wallet in the car. I’ll run out to “get it,” and I’ll drive away.
Sure, I won’t get the pleasure of yelling “April Fools!” but I’ll at least have the pleasure of knowing that he’s already called all the other managers and bragged about this huge sale, and then tomorrow they’ll all be teasing him.
Of course, it actually won’t be very cool, because all the dipshits I used to work for have gone on to other stores. This would just be like playing a terrible joke on some poor moron that never did anything to me. Which could still be fun, I guess.
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