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April Bite My Sack Day by Ray Printer Friendly

So itís like, what, April Fools Day? Sheesh. You know, like people across the world, I think Valentineís Day is stupid. One of the main reasons is that if I spend the entire year showering my loved one with, you know, love, then why should I have to go all-out on this one day to prove it? I know that there are all kinds of girls out there that would argue with this kind of thinking, and thatís because theyíre desperate for attention, or perhaps just greedy. Iím not here to debate. Unless you want toóin that case, Iíll see you in the comments section after school.

What Iím here to say is, as I will not condone celebrating one day of love, nor will I celebrate one day of being a fool. While Iím at it, I wonít celebrate getting stinking drunk just on Saint Patrickís day, or starting shit on fire just for the Fourth of July. These are things I do year-round, and I wonít be restricted.

To tell you the truth, I hate April Fools Day. Always have, even though I never really had shit done to me. Just hated the whole idea. Iím not really going to get into it, because the story I had planned on telling, I told it last year.

I think this will be the last year that I talk about how much I hate April Fools. I mean once you go, ďYeah, I totally freakiní hate that day,Ē what else is there to say, really?

Iím glad itís on a weekend this year. I can just avoid society for a day and be done with it for another year. Sort of like I do on Christmas and any other time of the year where youíre required to buy people things.

Maybe hereís what Iíll doóIíll go back to the retail store I used to work, Iíll pull the store manager aside, and Iíll tell him that since my grandparents just died in a terrible plane accident, Iíve come into some money. Iíll explain to him how I want to buy the biggest plasma television he has to offer, and the home theater to go with it. Iíll tell him how I want to buy all the extra cables that go with it, and the extended warranty plan, the one that lasts the longest. And then, when theyíre ringing me all up, Iíll say that I forgot my wallet in the car. Iíll run out to ďget it,Ē and Iíll drive away.

Sure, I wonít get the pleasure of yelling ďApril Fools!Ē but Iíll at least have the pleasure of knowing that heís already called all the other managers and bragged about this huge sale, and then tomorrow theyíll all be teasing him.

Of course, it actually wonít be very cool, because all the dipshits I used to work for have gone on to other stores. This would just be like playing a terrible joke on some poor moron that never did anything to me. Which could still be fun, I guess.

Entered By Dave Riley From Unknown
2006-04-01 04:29:37

Just as a serious drinker eschews New Year's Eve, the accomplished prankster avoids April Fools Day.

Entered By Ray From Austin
2006-04-01 06:19:14

I like you, Dave Riley.

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