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Snow Day by Ray Printer Friendly

It finally got cold down here in Austin. Not cold like in NYC, where you walk outside and your testicles cry out in horror and run back inside, locking the door after them. But cold, nonetheless. Twenty degrees, I guess they said, and itís supposed to feel like fourteen. Pretty cold, especially for down here.

We had some frozen rain last night, which caused ice on the roads. If youíve ever read any of my rants about traffic, or been in Austin, you understand that giving vehicles to these people is sort of like giving hard liquor and hand guns to a pack of angry mutant monkeys, except without the hilarious consequences.

Add a little ice to the equation, and what you have instead of Austin roadways are Austin deathtraps. The ice started around five last night, and by the time the news came on at nine oí clock, there were over fifty traffic accidents. Out the window, all you could hear were fire trucks and ambulances and police cars. Over fifty separate accidents in four hours, man. Unbelievable.

I took my princess to school this morning, there were over a dozen cars on the side of the road. Some were smashed up, others had just skidded off the road.

I dropped her off at school, and on my way back, I see three new accidents. One lady, she had somehow managed to turn her car sideways at the bottom of the on-ramp. She was crying and walking around her car, staring at it like it was the one that drove like shit. At the top of the on-ramp, I saw four cars that had just been in an accident. I stayed on the service road. I saw another wreck about a mile down, and then another a little after that, where the guy had apparently tried to turn, missed, and took out two YIELD signs, a ONE WAY sign, and a DO NOT ENTER sign. His SUV looked like a gang had taken to it with baseball bats.

I got home, poured my first cup of coffee, and before I even had a chance to take a sip, my phone rang. It was my princess, telling me that school was cancelled, and could I come and get her.

Only one fresh accident on the way there, like someone had tried to pass someone else, and slid over to the guardrail instead.

And then I see one car in the culvert. Imagine a U. The bottom of the U, thatís the bottom of the culvert, right? The top right side, thatís the access road, and the left side, thatís the off-ramp. Now imagine a lid on the U, right across the top. That would be the car that slid off and got stuck right over the top of the culvert. Like if you opened the door and stepped out, you would fall about eight feet to the bottom of the culvert.

Too bad my princess decided that it would be cruel to take the camera out and snap some pictures of the shit these maniacs can get up to when you put them behind the wheel of a car. Actually, I could probably do it anyways, but I think the best thing to do is stay off the roads and let nature works its way.

Besides, Iíve got my princess, Iíve got coffee (hot chocolate for heróIím the only bitter thing she likes), Iíve got a fire in the fire place, and I got nothiní to do.

Ah, life.


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