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A Very Tame And Well-Balanced Rant by Ray Printer Friendly

There has been talk lately of me being tooÖwhatís a good way to put this? Glum, lately. I donít see it, but itís apparently out there. So I thought I would take a minute to let you all know that you donít need to worryóeverythingís fine. Itís just really boring to write about how great everything is, you know? And to tell you the truth, I donít find it all that interesting to read, either. Iíll be writing along, all about how life is full of cuddly kittens and smiles and shit, and I realize that Iím bored out of my skull and Iím chewing a hole in the side of my mouth for just a little entertainment.

I talked to Trey last night, and he went off about dying and stuff again, so if youíre scared about the crap I talk about, you should be glad you donít listen to that guy. In fact, if youíre scared about the things I write, I think you better just cowboy up right, suck it up, walk it off, whatever. Pick whatever silly sports clichť you want, but be quick about itówe have nightmares to visit.

For one thing, theyíre giving drugs to monkeys that makes them smart. Iím not giving details about this because Trey was telling me about it, and I feel itís his responsibility to track down the article he was reading and share it with all of us. My half of the ďterrifying future full of monstersĒ conversation was about zombie dogs (see above). Zombie Dogs!

People are screwing around, wasting time and money on zombie dogs and super monkeys, and Iím scary? Eff that, man.

Oh, yeah, and speaking of being afraid, check this out. I donít actually have a problem with this guy, but Trey always got terribly disturbed driving by his place when we were younger. Yep, we came from the same place as ole Gene. If you ever start wondering why weíre a little off, just keep in mind that we come from a place where one of the main claims to fame is the guy who puts statues of Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders out in his front lawn right next to the statue of Jesus and the aliens.

You ever want the secret of life, go talk to Gene Cockrell, thatís what I say. Iím not sure what his take on it is, but if you check out his front yard, you can clearly see that heís got his bases covered.

Anyways, thatís all I have right now. See, I didnít even go off about old people or stabbing or burning down the world. Iím not crazy.

Iím not. No, really, Iím serious. Iím not crazy. Iím not kidding. Iím perfectly sane. I really am. I like normal things, and Iím very well-balanced. Okay, Iím glad we had this talk.


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