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Early Morning Rant by Ray Printer Friendly

So I got up this morning, and I had to run out to my car for a second. I went outside, and the moon was still out. And I could still see the Big Dipper. And I realized that I am waking up too damn early these days.

That knowledge didn’t help much, though, so I came back inside and made some muffins. Making muffins, that always helps.

Anyways, so I’m sitting here, I don’t have to go to work for quite some time, and I have nothing good to write about. Too bad for you, suckas.

So my princess celebrated her first week of being an official teacher by getting terribly sick—after dropping her off this morning at her school and seeing some of the other new teachers, I realized that this must be some sort of strange ritual that you can only appreciate if you enjoy educating, because they all looked like they had just escaped from some C.I.A. containment unit in the mountains.

Stinkin’ little germ factories. It doesn’t even matter, man. I’ve been feeding her vitamins for the past two weeks, making her eat reasonably healthy, and making sure that she’s getting enough sleep. And still those nasty little creatures at the school got her sick. See, nature even tries to show us that children are bad: “Every time you get close to one, your throat will seal up, your eyes will get all sore and watery, you won’t be able to spend more than five minutes out of bed without getting exhausted. Also, your nose will run constantly.” What more do we need?

If there was a food that did that to you, you know what you would call it? Poison.

“I don’t know, Doc, this is how I found her when I got back from the general store. What could it be?”

“I hate to tell you this, Bert, but your wife has been childed. Do you have any enemies? Anyone who would want to hurt you and yours?”

“Old man Simon has been trying to run me off this property for years, but I never thought he’s sink this low.”

“That Old man Simon is a real bastard.”

“He is. He really is.”

Anyways, so I ran down to the grocery store to pick up some cold medicine, right? But it’s not so easy. Why? Because instead of medicine on the shelves, there are a bunch of bright green signs telling me that the manufacturer has pulled the product, due to some sort of something or another. Some sort of law or something. I need to go back and read the signs again, I suppose, to find out just what the hell is going on here, but at the time, I just needed to get home—I was in a hurry because I had clothes at the apartment complex “laundry station” and if you leave your shit in the washer for two minutes after it stops, someone takes it out and throws it all over the place.

I had a conversation with a friend once, this was probably about ten years ago, and we were discussing medicinal marijuana and the chances of marijuana ever becoming legal in the US. “Man, they will make it illegal to buy aspirin before they legalize marijuana,” He told me. “This country is going through a drug scare, and I don’t know when it will stop. But I know that this is probably the easiest we’re ever going to have it, as far as buying medicine goes.” At the time, I just kind of shrugged it off. That was before I realized that I can no longer buy more than two boxes of cold medicine at a time, and before I realized that from now on, I may actually need a prescription to but allergy pills.

But whatever. I have to go to work now. Have a good day, li’l homies.


posted 8/22/05


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