Well kids, here we are: a brand new month. August. Is there any month more exciting? I think we can all agree that yes, yes there is. About nine of them.
A little news for the new month: my princess has found a new job—all of that recent education is now paying off—so I will be waking up at six o’clock each morning once more. In fact, as I write this, it is just turning seven o’clock. Even with the time difference, I doubt my Yankee cohorts are even awake yet. This probably doesn’t mean much to you. If anything, it means that my rants will probably be a bit more low-key, maybe with a few more typographical errors, and hopefully not nearly as whiskey-soaked.
My mom essentially wrote the tag line for this month. She doesn’t really read the website, in case you’re wondering—so don’t throw things at her house if I offend you, okay? She had nothing to do with it, and I really doubt she condones most of the things I say here. Sometimes I’ll send her a link so she can look at the pictures, but all in all, she avoids this place. I used to sort of edit my stuff just in case she happened upon it, but I don’t so much worry about that anymore.
I can’t remember how it came up, but one night I ended up talking to her about the website. She was explaining to me why she didn’t really like coming to The Strangelands, and I told her, “The way you keep referring to it, it sounds like we have pictures of people fornicating. It’s not like we’re a porno site.”
And she goes, “You use raw, naked language.” And that’s all she had to say. I knew right then I had this month’s tag, and I knew that I could never fault my mother for not visiting. Because we do use raw naked language, and we do use it in a really filthy manner. And most of the stuff on here is for self-gratification.
And don’t pretend like you didn’t masturbate while reading about the Wal-Mart creatures last month. You’re so gross.
So, yeah, there it is. I’m glad you’re all back, though, here for your fill of word smut. We can all enjoy it together, okay? But not in that sick way that you’re thinking about, where we all stand in a circle. Come on, man, get your mind out of the gutter.