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Ice by Ray Printer Friendly

Well kids, itís about the end of the night for me. Itís too early to be going to bed, especially considering that I donít have to work tomorrow, but there are too many lost files, too many headaches, and too many blinks to continue.

Burning the midnight oil, and the oil has all been burned long before midnight. My brain is tired from looking for stuff, and my eyes donít seem to want to focus.

Hereís a little piece of information that isnít quite interesting, but may come in handy, if youíre in the habit of living your life in completely the wrong way: Thereís this gum, itís called Ice Breakers. And the same people make these little mint balls called Liquid Ice. Theyíre about the size of BBís, but they look like miniature bath beads. The point of these little things is that you throw one in your mouth, suck on it for a second, and then it explodes, leaving your mouth filled with minty goodness. Frankly, I find it a bit disconcerting, like going down on Willy Wonka or something. I donít like it when my mouth is suddenly filled with a foreign liquid, but maybe thatís just me.

Anyways, so these things are powerful strong, but not much fun to eat. I was sitting around earlier this evening, and I saw my little pack of Liquid Ice up on the shelf, so I grabbed one of the little mint balls out, and dropped it into my shot glass. The shot glass was filled with Jim Beam, because in my opinion, thatís what shot glasses should be filled with. Jack Danielís is much cooler, when youíre telling drinking stories, but I find Jim Beam much less pompous. Like you donít sit around discussing how you can really taste the charcoal filtering with Jim Beam. You throw it back, you make that face, and youíre done. Trey thinks that Jim Beam Black is the way to go, but I think itís because he just doesnít want to make that final plunge.

But thatís all beside the point. Whatís right on top of the point is, I dropped one of the little Liquid Ice balls into my shot glass. I donít know why. Okay, I do know why, but itís a little childish: I keep thinking that if I try enough weird shit, eventually Iíll have to get super powers. I mean, do you think Peter Parker thought he would wind up getting powers just because a spider bit him? Do you think Superman guessed he would get super powers just by getting his planet blown up?

You just have to keep trying, thatís my point. Microwave your burrito with a couple of Skittles, you know? Keep your toothpaste on top of the TV. Smoke cigarettes that you left in the top of your closet for a couple of months. Eat dirt that you find next to an electric plant, masturbate with gasoline, eat soap and old newspaper clippings. You never know if youíll get super powers until you try, right?

Anyways, Liquid Ice in Jim Beam doesnít give you super powers, as far as I know. What it does give you is nice breath. See, what happened was, I was going to wait until the thing had dissolved in the bourbon, just to see what it would taste like. I got tired of waiting, though, and tossed back the shot with the little blue Liquid Ice still in it. A few minutes later, I burped, and it was wonderfully refreshing. And then I noticed that my breath smelled nice and clean, and belches tasted extra good.

Iím not saying that I think youíll ever use this information, but I thought you should know.


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