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Shiny, Happy People by Ray Printer Friendly

Geez, Carey, I missed your shiny little posts around here, man. My ass has gotten a little out of shape, what with not having to keep it clenched so nobody crams sunshine up there. Just join the dark side, already. You know itís inevitableówith the company you keep, itís a miracle you arenít already some sort of evil dark lord, or whatever.

But Iíll give you oneónot all people are bad. One thing, though: the guy that mailed back your wallet, he probably put some sort of tracking device in there, figuring that a person that leaves her wallet lying around will at some point leave her apartment unlocked, and then heíll move in for an easy score. Youíll be lucky if he just steals your stuff and doesnít wait around in the dark for you to return. Yeah, I know people are good, Iím just sayiní, thatís all.

Youíll have to forgive me for my skepticismóitís been almost a year since I moved away from NYC, and I forgot that itís mostly populated by Care Bears and Rainbow Bright and shit. I mean, you canít swing a dead cat without hitting someone who wants to wish you well, right? You walk out of your pad, all you see is smiles, and youíre surrounded by politeness.

I canít believe I ever left that place. Oh, wait, thatís not how it was at all, now I remember.

Because New York, just like the rest of the world, is filled with complete dicks. The difference is, NYC is where the pros live. Like how people are always running over to the Holy Land for inspiration, thatís what New York is for aspiring assholes. They hang out on 42nd Street, ramming into people, cussing, and being obnoxious, then they go back home and tell their friends and family about how grand it was: ďThis guy walked by, I just punched him in the back, I didnít even say sorry or anything. He turned around and looked at me, I just go, ĎYou gotta problem?í It was the greatest experience of my life. It really changed me.Ē

Trey used to tell me that in New York, you experienced the best and worst of humanity. I always disagreed. Because I donít think I ever saw anything near the best aspects of humanity while I was there. I kept my eyes open, though, just in case, and what I saw was the same hateful crap that I saw everywhere else, only I saw more of it because there were so many more people.

Donít get me wrongóI love The City, and I would have stayed there longer if I could have afforded to. Thereís barely any rules to live by, because nobody wants to take the time to call you out for being a total ass, and you live in almost complete anonymity. Short of getting caught for killing someone or robbing seventeen liquor stores, nothing you do is going to get noticed, which means that unless youíre a total idiot and start posting all of your adventures on a website or something, your mom is never going to find out what a screw up you are. I had a great time in NYC. It really changed me, you know?


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