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Bats by Ray Printer Friendly

All right, so here’s what happened: I was hanging out, just kind of thinking about what I wanted to write (settled on Portly Boy, because it’s the easiest and I’m a lazy bastard). I decided to go smoke a cigarette while I thought about it, because smoking and thinking are both things that can be made better with booze, and I was sort of looking for an excuse to drink (don’t ask, man—it’s been a helluva a day, and I’ll talk about it when I’m ready, and not a second before).

I go out, sit down in my canvas chair, light up a smoke, and prepare to relax. Only it’s kind of hard because of all the bats.

There were bats everywhere, swooping like it was going out of style, and making weird chirping noises—like a mix between a cricket and a bird. My theory is that they were going after the bugs that were attracted to the streetlight in the parking lot, but I don’t know that for sure. Maybe they were just going to the grocery store. The thing is, there were bats everywhere.

In case you don’t know, bats are fast. And they’re creepy. We’ve all seen way too many movies or heard way too many stories. Because you sit there, trying to relax, and all you’re thinking is something like, “When are they going to attack me? When are they going to realize that they want to suck my blood and attack me angry mob-style?” It doesn’t matter how stupid these thoughts are, they’re still there.

So as I’m sitting there smoking my cigarette, I realize that I need my camera. Because if I get attacked by a bunch of bloodthirsty bats, I should take some good pictures, you know? Always thinking of you, dear readers and viewers.

So I go back inside, load the batteries, the memory stick, whatever. Go back outside, and all the bats are gone. They live above my storage room, in case you’re wondering. I can still hear them chirping away up there, chirping or whatever that sound is that they make.

So there I am, sitting there with a camera that’s ready for action, and nothing to do with it. And bored.

I took over sixty pictures, all of them pretty random, and most of them too dark to make out. A few of ‘em worked out, though, if you want to see.

No pictures of bats, though, even though I’ve been trying for the last couple of hours. Like I said, they’re fast little things, my bats. And noisy.


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