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Bats by Ray Printer Friendly

All right, so hereís what happened: I was hanging out, just kind of thinking about what I wanted to write (settled on Portly Boy, because itís the easiest and Iím a lazy bastard). I decided to go smoke a cigarette while I thought about it, because smoking and thinking are both things that can be made better with booze, and I was sort of looking for an excuse to drink (donít ask, manóitís been a helluva a day, and Iíll talk about it when Iím ready, and not a second before).

I go out, sit down in my canvas chair, light up a smoke, and prepare to relax. Only itís kind of hard because of all the bats.

There were bats everywhere, swooping like it was going out of style, and making weird chirping noisesólike a mix between a cricket and a bird. My theory is that they were going after the bugs that were attracted to the streetlight in the parking lot, but I donít know that for sure. Maybe they were just going to the grocery store. The thing is, there were bats everywhere.

In case you donít know, bats are fast. And theyíre creepy. Weíve all seen way too many movies or heard way too many stories. Because you sit there, trying to relax, and all youíre thinking is something like, ďWhen are they going to attack me? When are they going to realize that they want to suck my blood and attack me angry mob-style?Ē It doesnít matter how stupid these thoughts are, theyíre still there.

So as Iím sitting there smoking my cigarette, I realize that I need my camera. Because if I get attacked by a bunch of bloodthirsty bats, I should take some good pictures, you know? Always thinking of you, dear readers and viewers.

So I go back inside, load the batteries, the memory stick, whatever. Go back outside, and all the bats are gone. They live above my storage room, in case youíre wondering. I can still hear them chirping away up there, chirping or whatever that sound is that they make.

So there I am, sitting there with a camera thatís ready for action, and nothing to do with it. And bored.

I took over sixty pictures, all of them pretty random, and most of them too dark to make out. A few of Ďem worked out, though, if you want to see.

No pictures of bats, though, even though Iíve been trying for the last couple of hours. Like I said, theyíre fast little things, my bats. And noisy.


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