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So This Is Happening by Ray Printer Friendly

If you know me at all, in real life, or through the internet, there are two things you probably know about me. One is that I'm fat.

The other is that I've never wanted kids.

The fat thing I've wavered on a few times over the years--every once in awhile, I'll manage to get myself under control for a few months, shed some pounds, and feel good about myself for a few weeks before I tear through the snack aisle and get things back to the status quo.

The kid thing, nope. Despite having the greatest nephews in the world, the most adorable nieces, and having friends who have birthed the cutest kids who have ever peed on me, I still never changed my mind on that one.

I guess there are a few reasons for this. One is that I don't like kids (the aforementioned nieces, nephews, and surrogate family excluded, obviously). Another is that I don't like responsibility. And another is that I always thought I'd screw a kid up.

And to be real honest, I would have.

I would have done my best, but it wouldn't have been good enough, and I always knew it.

Awhile back, some things went down in my life--maybe I'll tell you about them someday, but not right now--and I changed my mind about the kid situation. I decided that maybe it was something I could pull off, if I really tried.

Flash forward several months, to this:

 photo b636f40b-719d-41d4-b419-2ee3fa23e175.png

What you're looking at there, if the page loaded right, is my son. Technically, what you're looking at is my son's cute little heinie, his legs, and his very visible penis.

That's the first picture I ever saw of him, too, which I will forever find amusing and disturbing.

So I'm going to be a dad.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't completely freaked out about it. I mean, I blew up a package of microwavable quinoa today. There were two steps: rip a slit in the bag; microwave bag. And I forgot one of those.

But on the other hand, I've managed to keep myself alive for several decades, despite my best efforts.

Like I said, I think it's something I can pull of, if I really try. And you know what? I plan on trying harder than I ever have in my life.

So, Strangelanders, I'd like you to meet my kid.

 photo 578c77f0-a8cc-44d4-990c-a5bd27b62931.png

Entered By Charlie From In mid Teenagerville
2015-01-27 08:00:38

You are gonna be a GREAT father! The whole parent thing isn't as hard as everyone makes it out to be. Act the way you want them to act, and don't power-trip on them. You get to act like a kid again without people giving you funny looks--you're gonna love it!

Entered By Anonymous From Unknown
2015-01-27 15:00:23

Dude! It will be epic! I mean it! Kids ROCK!

Entered By Susan Cloyd From Unknown
2015-01-28 18:31:34

Ray, loved this! You are going to be a wonderful daddy!😊 Rob was just like you and now he has two little girls and loving it! He's a great dad too. Congratulations to you both! So happy for you! Love you guys!

Entered By Mom From Lipscomb, TX
2015-01-30 00:43:43

You are going to be the most fabulous dad ever - hands down, no contest. The things I would have known if I could have had two dads and you would have been one of them!! As it is, having you for a son, playmate, and mentor is awesome, and I can only envy your son! What a lucky little boy to have you and Natalie for parents!

Entered By Jesse From Waltham
2015-02-05 23:22:24

Congrats big guy.

Entered By Ray From Canadian, TX
2015-02-06 10:23:47

Thank you all so much! It's going to be an interesting ordeal, to say the least.

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