I recently got a new computer. It's pretty great, but now there's the small matter of moving ten years of unorganized data onto it from two external hard drives, an old desktop, and a slightly less-old netbook.
It's odd, because I always thought I kept my files in pretty good order. Once I started transferring them, I realized that I have duplicates, and stories that look identical but are different sizes, so there's obviously a change, although it's usually just a corrected word or something. I also have the terrible habit of lumping everything together on flash drives and when I put them on my computer, I give them the incredibly descriptive names like “flash drive,” or “another flash drive,” or “red flash drive,” or “the other red flash drive.”
So basically what's going on is, I'm going through every file I have ever created. In doing so, I discover things like the following gem. I don't know when I transcribed it, or who I had this text conversation with (although I'd be lying if I said I didn't have my suspicions). I'm assuming I never posted it because it's so crude and the language is awful. Also, I'm just assuming I never posted it--since we lost the last few years of our site, there's a chance that I did post it, despite the awful language.
Let's be honest--that sounds exactly like something I'd do.
I'm sure I'll come across more crap like this as I continue my magical journey through the land of forgotten files, so that should be fun for us all. Believe it or not, the italicized half of the conversation is actually the other party. And, no there isn't more to it. It began out of the blue and ended just as abruptly.
Harry Cockshaft. Adventurer, porn star, & advisor to the queen.
His sidekick Peter O’Gasm. Scottish ninja in a kilt. Fighting crime and loving loose women like Sergeant Major Labia Minor and her pet cat Cunt Flap…
You are ate the fuck up. Isn't that more of a dog's name, anyway?
She's a single woman, therefore she's a cat person. No dog. But, her gay neighbors Rod Redeye and Larry Longshaft have a Pomeranian named Buttpllug.
Are you drunk or just that bored?
But watch out for the angry Asian landlord, Ben Wa Balls, cause he’s just looking for an excuse to evict them all.
I’ll watch out.