When I was a kid, I found this little booklet. It was like a mini-comic thing. Being a huge fan of comic books, I was excited to come upon such a thing, just sitting there in the park.
It was a religious comic, and it told me all about how I was going to Hell. Not in those exact words, I suppose, but basically. It showed this guy, he got taken out by The Grim Reaper (because there's all kinds of references to the Grim Reaper in the Bible, right?).
The Grim Reaper will kill your ass faster than you can say whaaat?
And then his life was reviewed, and he saw all the mistakes he made, on this big movie screen.
The movie of his life, it even showed what he was thinking, so even though he went to church, he wasn't thinking about God the entire time, so it didn't count. He was thinking about a ballgame, the evil heretic!
I'm not here to talk about religion, because that seems to be the quickest way to start a thing--and I don't want to start a thing. And frankly, I don't give a shit about your theological opinion any more than you care about mine.
My point is, when I was little, it scared the shit out of me. I mean, I barely ever paid attention in church, so did that mean I was going to Hell? And even if I didn't go to Hell, I was gonna have to watch a movie of my entire life, and everyone would know all the bad things I did, said, and even thought.
I was not looking forward to the great beyond.
Anyway, I came across a copy of that comic again the other day. It was crammed in a little nook at the gas station. I'd like to say that's why I was thinking about it today--because it was fresh in my mind from finding a copy.
But the truth is, I think about that fucking comic about twice a week, and have for most of my life. Just about every time I do something bad. I think about the entire world--every person through all time--watching my life, seeing this thing that I'm doing, judging me.
Sometimes I think about it even when I'm not doing anything bad. Like maybe if I just do something stupid, you know? Trip and almost bust your ass, quick look around, instant relief that nobody saw you? And then I'll think, yeah, but it's still showing up in that movie, everyone who ever lived will see it.
Or like when you're taking a dump? Gonna be in that movie. Great.
But other times, the system backfires on itself. Sometimes, you hear a song, and you just go crazy and you're jumping around being an idiot, and there's nobody around to see you or judge you, you're just being yourself, letting yourself be free.
And maybe you think, you know, it isn't gonna be so bad when the whole of eternity watches my movie. because they'll see this, they'll see that sometimes i live my life, truly live it. even when there's nobody around to impress, when there's no one to laugh at me, i'm okay. i can enjoy it.
Anyway, if you want to read the comic, you can do that here. I don't recommend it if you're an impressionable child.
And if you want to jump around like an idiot, which is way more fun than reading some stupid comic book that will scar you for life, I suggest this song:
Born Free by M.I.A.
Posted under The Rants on 2/21/11