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First-Of-The-Month Quotes: So Late, They Thought They Were Pregnant by Ray Printer Friendly

Yep, that's a menstruation joke as the title. Because we keep it classy around here.

So yeah, I'm posting FOTM Quotes on the Fourth, what? I can't even claim that it's because I've been busy. Mostly, it's because I've been asleep. That's what I do these days--I figure it's a hobby I can manage.

Anyway, here are the Quotes:

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"I think you fuck your phone up on a regular basis just so you can claim that you had some good Quotes, but lost 'em."

.

"I wish my dentist would harass me."

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"I fucking hate touch-screen and autocorrect. My phone keeps telling people I'm sweeting my ass off. But I'm not sweeting my ass off."

.

"I encourage everyone to be themselves here. Except Ray, you shouldn't be yourself. You are inappropriate in any professional environment and should never be yourself."

.

"If they can make booze in prison, I can make it at my house."

.

"I think everyone in this country should be forced to have a gun. I've gone insane."

.

"Did you just call your credit card a little piglet?"

.

"I don't like my phone--I'm not sure it's on my side."

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"I would rather talk about my grandmother getting raped by a pack of wolves, than hear another word about Angry Birds. My dead grandmother. That wasn't what killed her, by the way. But I'm sure it didn't help."

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"They have these great condoms, they aren't exactly approved by...I have two kids now, I should mention that."

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"You know, my mind betrays me all the time."

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"I just want your secretion."

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"Everyone becomes a guerrilla warrior: 'Holy shit, what is that? A possum? Where's my gun?'"

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"My mom wants to lick your face."

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"Remember the day we almost made you cry by believing in you?"

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"Violence doesn't solve problems."

"Wrong. Violence has solved every problem I've ever had, including the ones that it created."

.

"Life is the only game in town. You might want to bow out, but that's because you're chickenshit."

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So there ya go. I should mention that I did, in fact, fuck my phone up this month, and lost the quotes I had saved on there. I think I remembered most of them, though.

I should also mention that before they were erased, they were discovered by one of my more innocent coworkers. She was playing with my iphone, looking for games. She came across the notes section instead, which automatically pulled up the quotes I was saving.

"Oh, dear," was all she said, and then handed the phone back to me.


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