It's August 6th, which means a couple things. One, that I haven't posted nearly as often as I'd hoped. Two, that Hate Week has arrived.
Hate Week is a weird thing, I'll be the first to admit. It started out basically as a joke, a ranting against a friend's love of her dog, and went from there.
It has evolved since its inception. If you want the history, you're on your own--feel free to go back through The Strangelands and find whatever you want. I'd do it for you, but I'm running low on brain power at the moment. I'm barely awake, and not nearly as witty as I should be to write the opening intro to Hate Week 2010.
But screw it. That's part of Hate Week is doing what you gotta do, right? Might as well be. That's part of the fun of such an ill-defined, always-changing holiday, is that you can say whatever you want, and you'll still be right.
I think it mostly started because some of us needed to rage against an incompetent world, and I think that's why it continues. I wasn't sure if I was going to continue the tradition this year, to tell you the truth. Sometimes there's a lot of participation, sometimes, there's not. I didn't want to beat the metaphorical dead horse (beating a real dead horses is awesome, however, and I'm still fighting to get it accepted as an Olympic event).
But after asking several people, I've decided to keep it up. Apparently, some people look forward to Hate Week. Even if they don't mention it on this website, they mention it in their lives, which is weird, but cool.
But enough about all that. Focus. We're here to talk about Hate Week.
If you're new, allow me to explain. We have somehow managed to turn into a planet of lunatics and pussies. I think this must be some sort of evolutionary step--the lunatics will kill the pussies without resistance and then turn their wrath on each other--so that the squirrels can take over the planet.
Hate Week is a fight against this. As much as I love squirrels, I still believe in my fellow human being. I still think we can save ourselves. And that's what Hate Week is about: "I don't hate you, my fellow man, I just hate the stupid shit you're doing."
It's a chance to stand up and scream to the world that you don't need a babysitter. A chance to mock the ignorance of those who believe we need to wear our bicycle helmets when we test out a skateboard in WalMart. It's a chance to celebrate life.
Not life in a child-proof, safety-sealed, hold-my-hand kind of way. That's artificial and weak and it's bullshit. We're here to celebrate life the way it should be lived--raw and pure and to the fullest.
Broken fingers and scars and the widest smiles you ever saw, nevermind there might be a chipped tooth in there. Life is hard and it's scary, and a lot of time it hurts.
But sometimes, the hurt is what makes it worthwhile.
We're all so fucking concerned that we have to be safe, be careful. Save the children by making them strap into baby seats until they're thirteen years old. Wrap them in elbow pads and knees pads and helmets and mouth guards before you let them ride their bikes in the ten-foot stretch of driveway (no riding in the street, not until you're 21).
Save the planet, don't throw away your bottle, don't even use plastic bottles, don't use gas that isn't watered down with corn, don't eat cows that haven't lived better lives that thirty-eight percent of the planet.
Fuck the planet, okay? It doesn't need saving. It's just waiting for us to die. You know who needs to be saved? Us.
And that's what Hate Week is all about (this year). I'm here to save you, motherfuckers. From your ignorance, from your weakness, from your inexplicable desire to be spineless, useless, worthless.
Do I sound a little pretentious? Megalomaniacal? Well, begging your pardon--sometimes that falls out along with my giant cock of self-righteousness.
Hate Week's here, bitches.
Hope you're ready.
Posted under The Rants on 8/06/10