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First Of The Month Quotes: Late/Text Edition by Ray Printer Friendly

I've been trying to figure out what to do about First Of The Month Quotes this month. The thing is, I only had four.

At one point, I had gone through my phone and copied all the weird random texts I get from people. I think it was going to be like a bonus FOTM Quotes, but I never got around to posting it.

So that's gonna have to work for this month--four quotes and a pile of weird texts.

If it makes you feel better, I'm already off to a better start this month.


_______________


"What she said, it bothered my senses."

.

"We thought it was a rave, but when we got there, we found it was just, like, eight cop cars."

"You are the worst party animal ever."

.

"Your beard can suck it."

.

"I farted and it tickled my taint."

.

Where are you?

Outer Limits.

Where is that?

Singapore.

.

What is that?

Me being drunk and sending a picture to you on accident. Stupid iphone.

.

Hey...

Yeah?

Why you gotta go sit in your truck? To cry?

.

Don't mention the cookies to anyone or we for sure won't get to eat any.

I know. I'm not saying nothing...Hide them.

.

Lunch? Alligator grill?

Too expensive. Probably going to Thundercloud.

It's not expensive, get an appetizer, ass.

Don't be mean.

U suck man.

No I don't.

O but u do son. Just come on man. :(((( not nice

Nope. Thundercloud.

Wow I will never look at you again.

.

If you haven't left yet, bring a lighter.

I already left, man. :(

Nooooooooooooo

.

I focused on this picture so hard I thought you turned into a muppet.

Hahahahahaha! No.

.

What are you talking about? That was like texting a ruh tard.

Um..dragon?

Ah ha. Ha ja.

.

Hey bring an extra tie to work this morning.

I'm already here man.

That you are.

.

By the way, you both agreed to let me film you having sex.

.

Sure man, the internet needs me.

The internet DOES need you!

What the fuck is the internet?

.

You are fuckin awesome for remembering that.

.

Did those pictures ever come through?

No, but I woke up to this mother fucker last night:

.

Man I just fell down ten feet of stairs, what the fuck is up with me and stairs?!

WHERE'S YOUR PHONE?!

Not funny right now

Too soon?

Kinda like the Jet Travolta joke I made the other day, too soon.

Good grief. Did you just compare your ass to a dead baby?

I guess I did. Wow! Hell should be nice though, right?

I've heard it's warm.

Will you join me?

Dude, I hate the heat.

.

I love Lady Gaga even if her cock is bigger than mine.

.

Was about to buy a shirt till you referred to it as a shirt for "fatties." Such a penis face you are.

That was actually because that's the size I have to wear.

Me too. Boo fat.

Yeah, boo fat.

I guess I'll buy a fat shirt next payday then.

.

Should I phone your ass or play video games?

I'm almost finished watching a movie.

And I'm almost finished poking your sister.

That's not the same.

I know. A movie is generally much more enjoyable and doesn't smell like a Taco Bell bathroom. But she paid me, so Ill finish the job even if I have to mop up after.

You are a horrible human being.

And coming from you that really means something. I'll let your mom know what you said when I let her out of her crate for her weekly hosing off.

Also tell her I said hi.

I'm not your fucking answering service. Call the 900 number and tell her yourself.

No--she always starts talking about sucking my cock when I call that number.

No shit. I can hardly get her to talk about anything else. Thus the ballgag and the crate.

You're a solution man, I've always said that about you.

.

Should I call and harass you?

Gimme a few minutes to go get booze.

.

:() frog

.

We're going to go to the bar around 8 or so if you would like to grab some beers.

This is gonna sound weird, but I spent all my beer money on flavored condoms.

Nice?

It's...it's for work tomorrow. Long story. Point is, probably won't see you at the bar.

That's cool. Enjoy sucking on your flavored condoms.

Thanks you sir, I probably will.

.

I'll let you know when I move and you can come over to the new place and chill a bit.

I will have sex with your windowsills. No wait...I will make love to them. The greatest housewarming of all.

The fuck you will! That my window you're talking about

Your window's a filthy whore.

Just cause I'm not the first doesn't automatically make my windows a whore. They're nice and clean.

.

I think a few of us are going to grab some beets later.

Beets?

Beers. Fuck.

.

Milk gave me a choice.

.

You should shoot music videos for a living. Until you break into movies, I mean.

More lucrative than porn, u think?

Nothing is more lucrative than porn.



Posted under First-Of-The-Month_Quotes on 7/11/10


Comments:
Entered By Diane From NH
2010-07-21 02:10:12

And what would be so wrong about going out for a few beets? Vegetarian recovering alcoholics would love it.



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