how many gorillas do i have to smash before i finally save the girl?
i don't want to be a part of your world, i really don't. hate is such a strong word, but when i see your candy cane laughter slithering under the door, i can't think of a word that works better.
we'll fight, because that's what we do, although you'll never know it. oblivious in the most aggressive way possible, a star shitting sunlight onto a planet of albinos. it's a jumble of messathons, quick to worm its way under my skin an into my brain, screams with claws. boredom with a sting.
moonlight-slits across my palms, bleeding ammunition for whatever comes next, and laughter in my head sounds like anger. pain, as if it's what my skull is made of, everywhere, shrinking fast, crushing my thoughts.
i never wanted to be anything but alone, never wanted more than to die peaceful in the wasteland of my rot. tombstone of unreturned smiles and carrion of awkward conversations.
i never wanted love, i never wanted to care.
cracks in the sky where hot-air hate whistles through, i feel it burning my skin and my mind and my eyes, bringing tears.
it all hurts the same
it all hurts the same
it all hurts the same.
you never were what you thought, and i never dared to tell you different, and in the end, we'll all burn anyway. i wish i could tip your shelves, shatter your jars, break what you hold dear, ruin your everything.
what did you ever do to me? i ask the question more than you do, and if i had an answer, i still wouldn't tell you because i like that look on your face, of pain and confusion and frustration.
you look like you make me feel, i want to hurt you back so right, so perfect. i would melt you if i could. and make you into something else, something you could never be.
what are you, that's what i want to know, when i wake in the night, sweat pouring down and fists clenched so tight, like my fingernails just want to live inside from now on.
what are you, who are you? my mother, my father, my lover, my stranger? i don't know, but my love is hate and my hate is love, and all shadows are the same when there's no light, and all the smiles are, too.