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First Of The Month Quotes: Iphone People by Ray Printer Friendly

At first, I thought it was my fault. But I soon realized it was not, mostly because I hate accepting blame. Instead, I blame iphone people.

Here's the thing: when I originally started writing down quotes for FOTM Quotes, it was because I was sitting at my desk, talking to various people on the phone, or sitting in class, with a large notebook in front of me. It was easy to write down the quotes and then gather them at the first of the month.

But then I started actually leaving my apartment, and while there were many more opportunities to hear quote-worthy phrases, the problem was, I couldn't ever remember them. So I started typing the quotes into my phone, and for a while, life was good.

Then, I got an iphone. In case you're wondering, I still have the capability to type a quote into my phone. But there are two problems: 1) Using the iphone to type anything more complicated than a phone number totally sucks balls. The interface blows, and the auto-correct is like getting a meth-head to dictate for you.

The second problem is that people with iphones are rude assholes. Right in the middle of a conversation, they'll pull out their phones and start playing a game, or checking their email, or texting someone. This kind of thing does happen with other phones, I admit, but it's the prevalent behavior of people with iphones.

I am not one of those people. I got my iphone because my princess wanted us both to have them, and I have bitched about it ever since. I find the interface constricting and the communication ability is a joke. It's a neat toy, but a shitty phone. As soon as my contract ends, I will be moving on to a mobile device that doesn't want to be my freaking babysitter.

But I'm getting off track. I don't generally yank my phone out and start screwing with it when I'm in the middle of interacting with other people. But when I hear a quote, I like to be able to type it. Unfortunately, because of all the other d-holes who constantly use their iphones in a rude-ass way, every time I pull out my phone, I feel asshole-y and extra rude.

Long way of saying there aren't many Quotes. Blame the iphone jerkoffs who can't integrate manners with technology.


"Being a chick must be like being some bizarre version of Sherlock Holmes. You have all of that perception, but none of the logic."


"I'm better than WalMart milk."


"If you can't laugh at abortion, what can you laugh at?"


"I worry about you. I try to worry about you. It's hard if there's a bird outside, pulling a ribbon out of a bush, because you know...my attention span."


"You want a banana?"

"Nah, I'm about to throw up all over the place, anyway, it'd just be wasting it."


"My memory is not HD. I guess it's just, like, analog. I finally understand why people thought Harrison Ford was attractive."


"He doesn't at first strike you as a ball attacker."


"Maybe you need ibuprofen--I hear it's wonderful."

"No, because I don't have a headache, you're just pissing me off."


"I'll stick to what I know--drinking and grocery carts."


"In my mind, I am free."

Posted under First-Of-The-Month_Quotes on 6/01/10


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