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Or Double Dog Dare, If You're Feeling Up To It by Ray Printer Friendly

A couple weeks ago, I made some new posters for The Strangelands. I don't know why, really. I guess I figured that at some point, I'd print them out and put them up somewhere or another. Isn't that what posters are for? Promotion and such? More than likely, I'll just throw them in the corner with the gobs of other ghetto-ad shit I've made for this site and then failed to distribute.

But my lack of follow-through isn't what we're here to talk about. Not tonight, anyway.

Tonight, we're here to talk about the fact that I have a file on my desktop called "gorillacock." It isn't as bad as you might think.

I know you won't believe this, but I actually don't know about the hardness of gorilla cock.

Frankly, I think it's one of the better advertisements I've ever seen for anything. I'm pretty sure people will be flocking to this place once they get a load of that baby. I like to think that it conveys our ever-present desire to push mankind to another level of greatness while demonstrating our wisdom and class.

Also, it shows we like to huff markers.

Speaking of class, I found this in my random image folder on Photobucket:

Brazil Nuts.

It was right next to a picture of Tina Fey, and I don't know why. The cool thing about being me is that I find stuff like that and I can only assume it's all part of some super genius plan that even I don't fully understand just yet.

Anyway, what were we talking about, gorilla cocks? Oh, posters, right. Here's a variation I made of that first one. I then printed it out on legal paper instead of regular paper. Because I'm edgy and artsy, you see. It's very impressive, I assure you.

I have a degree in design from a very reputable community college, I'll have you know.

That's how I know what's edgy.

Oh, and in case any of you were about to be impressed that I drew that awesome picture of the gorilla: It was a design on a t-shirt I bought from Target a long time ago.

I wore it for like six years, until it finally just started falling apart. I scanned the design, then made a stencil out of it, spray painted it on some paper, and then scanned that. I can't remember why, really, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. This goes back to that super genius thing I was telling you about a minute ago.

Anyway, I felt kinda bad about straight jacking someone else's design, but I loved that image, and didn't want it to be lost forever just because my fat ass is hard on t-shirts.

Moving on...

I originally made this to hang on the wall while I masturbated. I like to be watched.

Hey, I don't know if you're the type of person who reads captions, but if so, could you do me a huge favor and ignore that last one? My computer's broken or something, I don't know. I didn't type that. Also, I don't masturbate. For sure not eight times a day, while wearing sexy little panties and a top hat.

Because that would be weird.

Also weird? Having a gigantic book with pages that are covered in pictures of eyes that were cut from various magazines.

Yeah, I have one of those. It's a great book, and I used to write in it, back before I had a computer. Also, I used to glue things into it. One night, I was bored and felt like emulating a lunatic, so I went through a pile of magazines and cut out the eyes of every human being in them. Then I glued the eyes in my book. Then I never told anyone about it, because nobody truly believes that you're only pretending to be psychotic.

So, yeah, that's a picture of that.

And that's about it. I had a couple more, but they look like shit. I got about halfway through this project and realized how pointless it was, so I stopped.

Like when I was going to be a huge rap star.

Dare to dream, kids. Dare to dream.

Posted under The Rants on 4/03/10

Entered By Karen From Indiana
2010-04-03 03:52:33

That gorilla picture makes me want to donate to the WWF (World Wildlife Fund.) And that eyes poster should say, "Don't be scared to be eyeballed." Guess I'm feeling literal tonight. It happens.

Entered By Ray From Austin
2010-04-03 04:01:33

The hell? WWF has a stupid-ass panda, man. A creature too cuddly and stupid to screw in order to continue the species. A gorilla, on the other hand, loves the sexing so much that he will throw a car through you wall and violate your dog, your grandma, and your television, just to tell his friends later. I guess I'm feeling a bit literal tonight, too. Wait. No. I'm literally feeling tonight. My mistake.

Entered By Ray From Austin
2010-04-03 04:02:22

Feeling my penis, I mean. It was a masturbation reference.

Entered By Trey From Cowtown
2010-04-03 18:00:30

Remember when the WWF stood some something great and righteous. I long for the glory days of the World Wrestling Federation. Andre the Giant 4 eva!

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