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Wait...Did I Just Say That? by Ray Printer Friendly

Okay...so this is a long, winding, nonsense of a post, but there's lots of good stuff, so try to follow along, okay? Or maybe there won't be much good at all, considering the rate of forgetfulness I've got going on tonight.

Before we get to it, though, I have to bitch at you all for a moment. I was looking back through some old posts, and I came across this one. Seriously, you bastards? A snippet of my day via "tex?" Not one of you sunsabitches could have told me I forgot the T? In the title of the post? Not even a catty remark or a snide joke? You damnholes (I ran out of marginally hateful, but not over-the-line insults, so I had to make one up on the spot).

Anyway, enough of that. I also came across this post. For some reason, it seems like I was actually looking for this one, but I can't remember why, now (just as I started writing this, I had to go look for headphones because I was listening to my music too loud, and my train of thought hit a deer or an orphanage, or whatever it is that causes trains of thoughts to wreck so savagely that they're gone forever).

I think it might have had something to do with the band Gomez, because I mentioned them in the post, and that sounds like something I'd start talking about. Because I really like this song:


You should listen to that as you read the rest of this post--you'll need something to make it easier.


I was also reminded that I have to write another Experiments In Energy post at some point. I know exactly what product I want to use, and it's a rough one. This paragraph is another one of those where it's mostly a note to myself, by the way. I do that sometimes, because I'm too lazy to write it on a Post-It or type it into my phone.

Dammit. Also just realized that I forgot to call my dad on his birthday, last year. And that I forgot again this year. Sorry, Pop, but what'd you expect, raising such a shithead kid?

So, notes-to-self aside, I also wanted to tell you about some other stuff. Oh wait, one more: Ray, get a haircut. Seriously, dude, you look like something a hobo would shit out. After eating hair all day long.

Now...back to telling you things. Useful things. Okay, I think we all know that is no longer an option.

Any of you guys seen a guy named Jim? He keeps stealing my memories and leaving me dehydrated and shaky. Last name Beam, got a couple of cousins, Jack and Jameson. Great guys, but they keep effing with me. And by "effing," I mean "fucking." I was just being polite about it.

You know another thing I wanted to tell you about? Big Don and his big beats. You don't know what that means? Oh, my friends, you are missing out. Go here. Find the song called "The Manners," and listen to it. It will teach you a thing or two, and maybe you'll even learn something about yourself.

If I could have found the CD, this is what everyone with kids would have gotten for Christmas last year. If I can find it in stores before next Christmas, it's what all of them will be getting for Christmas this year. Dude, did you hear Big Don's new way of doin' the alphabet? It will be stuck in your head for days, I shit you not.

Over and over and over, like when someone has a kid and you don't have one, and all they say is, "You should have one, you should have one, you really should have one," over and over and fucking OVER again! This is my revenge, you buttjerks (sorry, had to come up with another name off the top of my head).

Moving on.

Okay, what the fuck is this:


I mean, shit. This is like the exact opposite of that Gomez video up there. Instead of just being awesome music and limited video, it's all about the video and to hell with the music.

But you know what? It's a woman's prison movie with everyone dressed in underwear. I can get behind something like that. Except for the fact that this Lady Gaga character is in almost every scene. And let's be honest here: the bitch is as ugly as the backside of my dick.

Favorite quote about Lady Gaga:

"I didn't even know who Lady Gaga was until I heard she was some chick with a cock. I went online to see a picture, and found out she made music.--Anonymous Friend

I'll say this, though--it's a damn fine drug video. The style is ultra-saturated and schizo-jerky enough to throw your mind into seizures, and the audio bits are crisp and pronounced. It's the kind of thing that'll make you dream brain damage and wake up wondering who you killed and wore as a jacket.

Which is what I assume Lady Gaga is all about.

But damn, she ugly.

Even Rhianna, who's usually smoking hot, looks disjointed and wrong in that video. I much prefer her flipping me off and angry.


...


...


Okay, this is a little embarrassing. I used to have a screenshot of Rhianna angry and flipping me off, which is why I wrote that line above. But I can't find it. Probably I decided I was never gonna have a chance to use it, so I deleted it.

Instead, please enjoy a picture of this girl who looks like an ex-girlfriend I had one time:



Seriously, it looks just like her. In fact, I'll probably end up getting in trouble fo...wait..that's not it, I got confused. Let me try again.



Yeah, that's the one! When I first saw that picture, I had to send it to my sister to ask her if she knew anything about...wait...

Oh, for the love of fuck. I just found that picture I was telling you about, the one of Rhianna. Here:


Also, if you're wondering about that censor bar picture from above, it's from this video:




Which I mention not because it has a naked girl who looks like an ex, but because it was made by the awesomely talented Keith Schofield. You are doing yourself a great injustice if you don't watch the video for Hard N Phirm's "Pi," and DJ Format's "3 Feet Deep." No, this isn't like that Big Don link. This is serious business this time. Oh, screw it. Here (although I suggest going to his website and watching the higher-quality Quicktime movies):


I find the children much creepier than the wizards or the soulless robot.


My goal in life is to be able to make a confused face as cool as these dudes do when their prizes drop out of the game.

Also, you should go to his main page and check out a few more videos--I suggest the Beck video and the SFW XXX (bonus points for finding my favorite candy in the latter).

Okay, this posting things and remembering things is really too much for me right now. You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to keep code and file names straight when you're drunk, as well as pretending to be a dumbass. Because it's all an act, kids.

An act that's ending now.

'Night, li'l homies.



Posted under Whiskey Pages on 3/29/10


Comments:
Entered By Anonymous From Unknown
2010-03-29 01:28:06

Proves nothing. They could have just edited out Gaga's cock. Video made no sense at all, but I liked it. I guess Tarantino must have loaned them his Pussy Wagon.


Entered By Ray From Austin
2010-03-29 01:29:49

If anything, it just makes me believe more in her/his cockfullness.



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