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Kick Ass by Ray Printer Friendly

I don't generally watch TV or go to movies. I don't watch TV because I think most of what's on it is panda-fuck stupid. I don't watch movies because I can't really afford to.

I mention this because what it means is that all of my media knowledge comes from the internet. I heard about "Kicks Ass" several months ago, and have been frothing at the mouth ever since.

A lot of people haven't heard of it. If you are one of them, take some time to acquaint yourself:

If you know anything about me, you probably understand why this type of flick would give me a total movie boner. What's that? You still don't quite understand?


Yes, that was just Nicolas Cage shooting a little girl in the chest. Yes, it was awesome. No, that's not allowed in real life. I checked into it one time when my princess was trying to talk me into reproducing.

Anyway, I really want to see this movie. It just so happens that I live in Austin, Texas, which is at this moment hosting a little event called South By Southwest.

You maybe have heard about it.

It also just so happens that the world premier for "Kick Ass" was going down at said event. What I didn't realize until a few moments ago is that the premier was last night.

As opposed to tonight, which is what I had believed.

Which means I won't be going to the premier, obviously. Too bad, really, but I guess I can wait until next month, when it opens in theaters.

Anyway, I have these wristbands:

They're to get me into a Vans store that is opening in a couple of hours. Why would you need a wristband to get into a shoe store, you ask? And what the hell does this have to do with "Kick Ass?"

Well, apparently several cast members are going to be there. And apparently, there's going to be some unveiling of a new shoe.

I could give a shit about the new shoe, and I don't really care about seeing the actors. I've never been all that into movie stars, mostly because they're fake.

Like if Christian Bale really was Batman, I'd see a reason to be impressed. Or maybe even if he jumped from buildings or blew shit up with little devices from his belt. But Mr. Bale doesn't do any of those things. He pretends to do them.

And to me, that's just not very impressive. I mean, hell, I pretend those things all the time, and it doesn't mean anyone should be impressed. It just means I'm a sad little man who can't make friends.

That said, I do sort of want to go down and get a picture of that little girl.

You know, this one:

I thought that maybe I'd like to get a picture with her, but that seems creepy, even for me. So maybe just a picture of her flipping the bird or stabbing a guy.

Honestly, though, I'm probably too lazy to go down to Vans. What's the point, really, when I can sit here and write about it?

Posted under The Rants on 3/13/10


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