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Hey, Here Are Some Pictures. Look At Them. Or Don't. It's Really Up To You. by Ray Printer Friendly

So this is a total punk move, but I can't think of anything good to write, so I decided to just show you some pictures. These are all posted in my photo gallery, but you have to go through all the trouble of clicking on them over there, so I figured I'd show them to you all in a row.

You get to see pictures, I get to say I posted, everybody's happy.

These are all pictures that I've taken with my phone, which is why they're in the "Phone Pictures" gallery. These photos are mostly unedited. I have an option on my phone to take black and white pictures, and I did that on a couple, but for the most part, I've left these ones alone.

This is the first one I took when I got my new phone. It isn't great, but I was wanting to try out the camera, and I couldn't find anything better to take a picture of. It's also out of frame and out of focus. Part of that is because I didn't know how the camera on the phone worked, part of it is because I'm a pretty lousy photographer.

This is from the day I saw the hotdog-mobile. I actually had eight or nine pictures of this wonderful event, mostly documenting how I chased down the phallic vehicle, and then the awkwardness of riding along in front of it after I had taken several photos.

See, I saw the thing just as I was pulling out of the parking lot one day, and used all of my delivery-driver skill to head it off at the pass. I took my picture, and then another few as I drove along behind it. But then I realized it was driving pretty slow, and if I didn't pass it, it would be obvious. So I drove around, taking pictures the entire time, and then sat at a red light for a full three minutes with the hotdog car behind me.

It was odd, but enjoyable.

This is a pipe I saw in an alley. I don't really have an amusing anecdote about it. I got a few odd looks as I positioned myself in front of the wall to take this shot, but I get those looks a lot, whether I'm taking pictures of pipes or not.

I took this one on Valentine's day, I kid you not. Incidentally, this is the store that tricked me when I first moved here. They have signs up all over the place saying things like "comics" and "newspapers." They don't really tell you that they're a porn shop (the replaceable letter sign used to read "remodeling finished").

So I went in one day, expecting to browse some comics, maybe rent a movie. Yeah, that didn't really work out.

One thing before we move on to the next picture: I am surprised and a little alarmed at how many people in my life don't know what a Fleshlight is.

This is from that time it snowed in Austin. It melted almost as soon as it finished snowing, but for a little bit there, it felt like being in a place with real weather.

There's this place I deliver to, you have to go around to the always-abandoned parking lot and go through the back door, which is electromagnetically sealed, and you have to have a special card to get in.

This is the back door. I'm pretty sure they're making zombies.

Power lines by my house. I thought they looked pretty with the setting-sun sky in the background.

This thing.


This my attempt to eat a healthy breakfast one time. It's a whole-wheat bagel, and inside is a chunk of egg white and a disk of turkey sausage. There's some weird, low-fat cheese/not cheese thing on there, too. I covered it in mustard, and it still tasted funny and wrong.

Like if bland had an expiration date. That's how most hippie food tastes to me, really. Probably it's the lack of grease and inhumane murder that makes it taste so dull.

My princess saw this picture in my phone and shook her head. "It was so bad that you have to put it on the internet, is that why you took a picture?"

"Yeah, it was really gross."

"Well, you have three more of them in there. Nice going, Mr. I Like To Try New Things."

"I'll eat 'em, don't worry."

"I know you will--how you'll do it is what worries me."

I took this while I was sitting in traffic on a fly-over. I got tired of looking at all the other cars on this little strip of concrete and asphalt, wondering if this was the day that the whole thing collapsed.

Train tracks. Man, I love train tracks.

When I was a kid, I saw that movie "Stand By Me," and I realized I wanted to be the kind of kid who could find some tracks and just...go. That desire never really went away.

This isn't a very good picture, but I had to put it up here because I love this car. I look at it every time I pass by, just to make sure it's still there. Someday, I want to buy it and use it as the Portmobile in the Portly Boy movie. And my high school counselor said I lacked ambition...

An apple in a parking lot. I take a surprising amount of pictures of apples in weird places. I don't know what the deal is. Do people just abandon apples? If so, it seems like they do it very gently.

The color on this one is edited using Photoshop Mobile. I was sitting around one day, and all I had was my idea notebook and my phone. In case you're curious, the picture in the notebook is a spray-painted stencil, along with a section of torn-off desk calendar.

I love to tear shit up and then tape it in other places--it makes me seem creative. Throw in some spray paint in a place where you usually don't put spray paint, and you have creative genius, baby!

Anyway, that's it. You can look at more in the actual gallery, or you can go look at that Tumblr page I'm always talking about.

Either way, I've got a midget to spray-pleather, so I'm out.

Entered By nigahiga From Youtube
2010-03-10 05:32:26

Hey, that spray-pleather thing was supposed to be strictly on the down-low! You are such a blabber mouth! And I have dibs on your wife. Just in case, ya know, you should mysteriously disappear while delivering whatever it is you deliver to that zombie factory.

Entered By Karen From Indiana
2010-03-21 22:37:40

I don't know what a fleshlight is. Or why the military get a discount on them. No, no... it's okay. I'll live the rest of my life in blissful ignorance. I'm okay with that.

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