I know I've talked about it before, and I know the majority of you don't care, but The Strangelands has a Twitter page. Which basically means I have a Twitter page. Actually, I'm pretty sure I have a bunch of Twitter pages--getting drunk and starting Twitter pages is one of my favorite hobbies, according to the latest polls.
Anyway, I'm not going to hassle you about following us on Twitter--I figure the people who are going to follow us already do, and the people who don't are never going to...probably because they're not cool and they sit around playing with their own poop instead of looking at all the cool stuff I post.
Is that you? Are you that poop player? Because that's gross, and you'll never make any friends that way. I suggest you change your ways immediately, by following us on Twitter.
But maybe my vocabulatory bullying isn't enough. Maybe you need proof that you're missing out on awesome stuff. Or maybe I just need to post something, and putting up links to pictures seemed to be the easiest way to do it.
Okay, we'll start out easy--this is the latest thing I wrote on Twitter: "Okay, don't panic, but I think someone burgled my memory. Probably midgets. Hopefully, porn midgets, because those are the best kind."
See, even though I'm limited to 140 characters, I still manage to talk about both pornography and midgets. And insanity, in a roundabout way. All the things you know and love about The Strangelands, condensed into one tasty brain-bite.
But wait, there's more!
Order now, and you'll also receive random pictures that I post throughout the day! Amazing artwork such as this:
Yep, some clever coworker drew in the dirt on the side of my truck, that I heart dick. This is the kind of thing you don't want to miss out on, ladies and gentlemen!
So if you have a Twitter account, make sure you follow us. If you don't have Twitter account, sign up and then follow us.
Why the sudden push for Twitter?
Well, it's the cutting edge of technology, that's why. For sure it isn't because taking a picture with my phone and writing an enigmatic title is much easier than sitting down to write a post.
Okay, maybe it is. Or maybe it's because on Twitter, I can quick throw something up during the day, using my phone. Posting on The Strangelands using only my phone is hard as hell, man. Remember, I tried?
Can we just boil it down right to the facts? Because the truth is, I'm an attention whore, okay? Look at my words, look at my pictures, look at whatever random shit I looked at just now:
JUST PAY ATTENTION TO ME!
But hey...even if I am an attention whore, at least I try to be entertaining about it. If you follow us on Twitter, it won't be any of that bullshit about what I'm about to watch on TV or what movie I just saw or who's cheating on who with whom (if I screwed up the who's and whom's right there, I apologize--it's late at night, and I refuse to check that part).
I do my best to entertain. Although I have to admit that the majority of my Twittering is just me posting links to The Strangelands. But I'm seriously considering changing that.
I'm going to be out of town this weekend, and I want it to be a sort of trial run for the Twitter update, especially because I won't be able to post on The Strangelands.
So really, you should follow us. Need more incentive? Here are some random recent postings that you've missed out on:
This is the 1st time Twitter has let me use it in like 3 days. Like that easy girl who always gives you a handjob, but then one day, won't.
My Kleenex smells like fish. What kind of evil shit is that?
Yes, there really is a website called foodbangers.com. No, I won't link to it. Yes, I looked at it. No, I didn't enjoy it.
50 degrees, pouring rain. I'm soaking wet and just went into a funeral home. It smelled wonderful.
Every time I begin to feel rested, I do some more dumb shit that makes me tired.
A good friend can make even the healthiest fixations self destructive.
If I was a clown, I would always be smoking a cigarette. And blood-covered.
I just admitted to the internet that I would let a female midget sodomize me. Um, I guess I've admitted it twice, now.
So yeah, you should totally follow us.
HELL YEAH! I WANT TO BE AWESOME AND FOLLOW THE STRANGELANDS ON TWITTER!
NO, I WOULD RATHER SIT AROUND AND BE HORRIBLE AND BORING, LIKE ANAL LEAKAGE.