You may not believe this, but this is one Experiments In Energy segment I'd really rather not do.
I was having a friend over the other night, and I decided to stop off and pick up some sort of alcoholic beverage for us to enjoy while we caught up on each other's lives. Jameson is my choice of drink these days, and I knew my friend had a penchant for Irish whiskey, so I decided to go with that.
Until I made it to the actual store, where my attention was captured by an entirely different bottle. Bunraty Potcheen, the bottle proclaimed. EXPORT ONLY.
Hunh. Curious, I texted Trey, asking him what the hell Potcheen was. He told me he had no idea, so I used my handy phone internet to Google it.
Seriously, how was I not going to buy it?
I read a couple of reviews about it, and both of them referred to the taste and smell as fruity. Living the life I have lived, I have come in close contact with many types of poisonous chemicals. I have imbibed several of them. And what those reviewers described as fruity, I would describe as paint thinner.
A long time ago, I helped work on the restoration of the Palace Theatre in Canadian, Texas. One of the main things I did was work on getting the paint stripped off rows and rows of old chairs. Usually, we used belt sanders, but there were plenty of chemicals floating around the warehouse in which we worked.
Potcheen smells exactly like that building. The other night, I took one drink, breathed out fumes that have got to be dangerously flammable, and switched to Jim Beam.
Tonight, I am sticking only with the Potcheen. This stuff isn't really an energy drink, but it is most definitely an experiment, so I'm adding it into "Experiments in Energy."
I should also mention that I realize this is a terrible idea, especially considering that it's a Wednesday night, and I have work tomorrow. But what else am I gonna do? Go to bed? Psh.
9:33 p.m. I guess I'm just going to take shots of this shit, so we have an accurate measurement system. A glass with ice cubes is too variable. I should mention that the bottle I have is 90 proof. Other brands get up to 180 proof, but I'm pretty sure if you try to drink it, your liver shoots itself in the face.
This stuff is evil. There are very few chemicals that make my body react before I've even consumed them. Potcheen is one of them. Even before I had taken my first drink the other night, my stomach rolled each time I looked at the bottle. Having sampled it once already, I've having an even more difficult time forcing myself to drink it.
But this is the kind of thing I do for you people.
It actually goes down pretty smooth, but the taste is just so effing wrong. And that first exhalation, it's straight up the way I imagine a hobo's lung smelling. My stomach immediately bubbles.
I don't know how many of these I'm going to do. I figure I'll get my photos ready, and then take another drink.
9:48 My goodness. This stuff. I feel slightly dizzy, but I don't think it's the effect of alcohol as much as it is the adrenaline pumping through my body because it realizes I just poured poison in it.
Also, burping is terrible. And I somehow turned Italics on. Pictures uploaded, gonna take my second shot.
I just got desperate and texted a coworker to come over and drink this bottle with me. I can't handle it by myself and I don't want it in my house anymore.
10:20 Unexpected turn of events…
The invitation backfired on me, I'm now leaving. You're on your own for the rest of this experiment. Good luck.
Here’s what ended up happening: I ended up at someone else’s house, drinking this crap straight from the bottle and having a great time. The drunk, while intense, wasn’t too bad. Until about an hour after I stopped drinking, and the shit really kicked in.
I’ll be honest with you—I don’t remember everything that happened. I know that at one point, I tried for like five minutes to get my shoe on. Unfortunately, this was happening while a friend tried to introduce me to his…roommate? Something like that. I was too busy concentrating on my shoe, I don’t even know if I told them my name. I remember shaking someone’s hand at one point, but who knows if that was an actual introduction, or if it was just me being blitzed.
At some point in the night, I realized that I was embarrassingly drunk, so I wandered off to the corner, where I sat and played with the dog until it was time to go. Everyone was playing Wii, so it’s not like they noticed…much.
I ended up going to bed at 3:30 in the morning, which wouldn’t have been so bad except that I woke up at 6:30. Waking up was not pleasant, and several days later, I still don’t think my insides are back to normal.
In closing, drink this stuff if you dare. I think it’s a good thing for young kids who just want to experiment with different liquors, or drink something they could brag to their friends about drinking.
It’s too rough to drink socially, in my opinion, but maybe that’s because I was raised on Kentucky whiskey, I don’t know.
Anyway, that’s the experiment.
Filed under The Rants on 12/26/09