I spent a rather large portion of my weekend proofreading stories for my next book, and I think it might be taking its toll, because I just spelled proofreading as proffrealing. I don't know what that word means, but I'm guessing it's some sort of sex act. Did I spend the weekend performing sex acts with my stories? No. Would I do it if I could? Yes.
But none of that is the point. Although maybe it should be. Just think what it would be like if you could buy books where the author had actually had physical sex with the stories inside. Not the pages, not the ink, but the stories. I don't even know what that would be like, but I would definitely buy that kind of book.
"That new Stephen King book? Yeah, I got it. The plot's not so great, but that man can bang a story like you wouldn't believe."
I'm getting sidetracked again, aren't I? Of course I am.
Because what I'm really here to talk about is the fact that I worked all weekend on the crap that makes putting a book together a little less than fun. Aside from trying to edit (which, much like those sex acts we were talking about just now, isn't nearly as much fun when you have to do it to your own self), I also worked on the cover for this bad boy.
Hey, what's that smell? I believe it's the scent of picture-time at The Strangelands!
This first one is one I made back when I was in school. The class didn't like the design much, and to be honest, I didn't really, either. Pulling it up tonight, though, I kind of dug it. It's not perfect, but it's not as awful as I remembered. This was one of the last projects I did for my portfolio class, and by then, the idea well was running pretty low, and smelled like standing water.
I feel like it could be something, though, if I tweaked it some. Not sure if I'll have time to do that, though, considering I'm trying to have this book out in a couple weeks.
This one is kind of like the exact opposite of the first one. Believe it or not, I was actually kind of happy with this one when I first made it (just a little after I made the first one). Looking at it now, however, I feel like it's garbage. The only reason I'm even showing it to you is because I spent a lot of time on it, and for some reason, I feel like that justifies putting it on the internet.
Also, for inspiration. Like next time you're feeling a little down, you've messed something up again, or made yet another hideous graphic design, you can think to yourself, "Well, hey, I shouldn't be too hard on myself. Even my hero Ray messes up once in a while. Sure, he'd never do anything as disastrous as what I just did, because even when he fails, it's better than most of the population, but still. He makes mistakes, and he doesn't let it get him down."
That's right, Spanky. Put the scissors down and step away from the ledge.
Anyway, I think I was going for like a ripped-page illusion here, or something. I don't know. At the time, using a really low-res image seemed like a genius move. Probably it was one of those nights where I ran out of booze and was drinking anti-freeze.
I like this one, and if I would have remembered that I made it, I probably wouldn't have tried to make another one. I wish that I had had a picture of a real city at night, maybe something that didn't look so much like Christmas lights.
Little bit of trivia for you: that picture was taken in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where the closest thing they have to a degenerate is someone who bends the hymn book too far open. Well, that and the preachers who are always having sex with their flock. Hooray for repressed sexuality!
This is the most recent version. I think it's my favorite, but the font bugs me a little. If you're wondering how a numb-skull like me came up with such a simple, beautiful design, you've probably been locked up and medicated for your entire life. The design is straight-up jacked from Lucky Strike cigarettes.
I've loved the design of the Lucky Strike pack since before I even realized I liked design. In fact, this design accounts for something like 80% of the reason I ever started smoking.
I thought about maybe adding a rip at the corner, showing cigarettes in the pack. But I don't know if my Photoshop skills are that tight. If it was just a matter of adding a couple of filters, I'd probably give it a try, but Lucky Strikes didn't have filters until recently, and the kind of cigarettes that would be in my book are totally filter-less, you can tell.
Anyway, there they go. Any input you have would be appreciated. About the design, I mean. If you're just going to tell me I have a small penis, don't waste your time--even if I didn't already know I have a small penis, the tattoo would remind me.