I coulda gone to sleep early tonight. Woken up with 8 solid under my belt, a grin on my freshly shaven face, and a spring in my step as I march off tomorrow morning for another day in an ugly tie.
I was tempted, oh yes, I was tempted. Tempted by my kmart pillow's siren song of release from zombified days, but in true strangelands spirit I cowboyed up, poured a deep glass of tuesday night whiskey and limped my tired ass over to this keyboard to pound out a special anniversary opening for all of our readers.
That's just the kind of people we are around here.
God help us, it's been a year already. 365 days of drunken, sometimes incoherent, ramblings running straight from our nicotine stained fingers through a few thousand miles of copper wires and into your eyeballs. Lodging, finally in that deep dark place in your brain which you, in better company, deny having.
And what does a year of the strangelands get you? Well, how bout
126 Pictures (14 With at least a bit of Nudity)
45 Angry Rants
17 Drunken Rambles
35 Portly Boys
35 Stories with at least some smoking
98 Stories with at least some profanity
83 Stories with at least some Love
77 Stories with at least some Hate
6 Stories about puppies
3 Stories about kicking puppies
And countless stories involving whiskey and it's related misadventures.
Combine an extra large hunk of profanity with 2 parts Love and Hate, a liberal dose of angry chain-smoking drunkeness, and one fat man in spandex and you end up with The Stranglands.
Sounds about right for an idea cooked up by a couple drunken roomates about 3 a.m. on a weekday.
We have big plans for the coming year. Some will probably happen, some probably won't. That's alright. It's the trip not the destination. Here's a few of them in brief.
1) The Portly Boy retrospective. It's estimated that there are over 200 pages concerning the spandex clad adventures of our favorite nihlist. There is serious talk of using a service like Cafe Press to bind the first year up into a bathroom friendly form and sell it to anyone weird enough to be interested. Likelyhood: High I hope
2) Get someone with some artistic talent to work us up some logos for some t-shirts and such to sell through a service such as Cafe Press. Likelyhood: eh, medium. It would be nice to make the site self supporting through merchandise. After all, it's costing your's truly 20 bucks a year. In NYC, that's 2 whole packs of cigarettes.
3) A site redesign. This ball is definately in my court. I've barely made any changes to the site since launch, and it could definately use some 'look and feel' changes. I'm sick of the drop down menus and the goofy polka-dot border. Likelyhood: Low cause I already whore out my web skills to a large corporation 8 hours a day and I prefer ranting on this site to working on it.
4) Get some more authors. We picked up one new one last month in the form of Mr. JFK Harris, and welcome aboard. We also have some new photo galleries up from some peeps and you should check em out. I've also changed our submissions guidelines. They used to require a writing sample, but after reading the stuff we've been churning out for a year I did away with that. All a person has to do is click on the administration link, sign up, and vomit out whatever crazy things are keeping them up at night. I also have a verbal agreement from a guy to start filling out our unused "Whitemen Can't Dance" Section. Unfortunately, the police blotter remains untouched due to editing changes at The Canadian Record. Maybe I'll take it down (see item 3). Likelyhood: High (I'm an optimist)
5) Dredge up some site statistics. Currently, we have almost no idea how many people are visiting. This is due to a combination of things, but mostly it's because I use the cheapest webhost on earth, E-rice.net. You get what you pay for, and a buck fifty a month doesn't pay for much. Likelyhood: Low.
6) Change the world. Of sure, it just looks like we're a bunch of hoodlums pounding out our secrets for all the world to see, but really it's a plot to subvert all known social norms. Likelyhood: It's already happening...
To our readers.
Some of you have been with us since the beginning. Thank you. Some of you are recent arrivals. Well welcome aboard. Know that we appreciate everyone who takes the time out of their day to read this stuff. Even those of you who drop the occasional hint that maybe we really oughta talk to somebody about 100mg of a well advertised mood stablizier.
But, no pills for us, not here. The Strangelands believes in self-medication though life. Love and hate, anger and laughter, whiskey and cigarettes, these are The Strangelands drugs of choice. We love our insanity. We drive it like a roadster. We're on an alcohol fueled burn across the information superhighway ignoring the speed limits, blasting through all the stop signs, and picking up new friends on the way. Our own Magic Bus tour of 'no apologies' and 'no excuses', and we want you to come along. If feels good to let it all hang out and any trip is better with a few good friends along.
Be sure to stick with us through this new year. Remember, crazy is just more fun and The Strangelands is where it comes out to play.