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Not Guilty by Charlie Mine Printer Friendly

"Don't you ever feel like just saying 'Fuck it' to the whole goddamn world? Day in, day out, the same nine-to-five bullshit, and it don't matter if you wear a suit and tie or a hardhat, it's all the same, man. Workin' for a paycheck, workin' to pay taxes and bills and keep a roof over ya head and food in yer gut, and you never get anywhere or have anything worth fightin' for, and it don't mean shit. And all the bullshit, man, the lies and the looks and the...the fuckin' shit! Like the hot chic that shows up at a party, and your girl glares like she wants to gut the bitch, but when they make eye contact she smiles and waves like they're best friends. And she catches you lookin', and you know she's gonna make your life hell, so you say somethin' like, 'Isn't she too fat for that dress?' and if she believes you, you've just earned yourself a blow job. And if she doesn't, you're back to jerkin' it for the next fuckin' month. And it's all bullshit. Lies and bullshit. 'Enjoy your kids, they grow up so fast!' an' we send 'em to daycare when they're two months old, off to kindergarten at four. 'Enjoy your youth! It won't last!' but don't drink, do drugs, or have sex with anyone you ain't married to. What the fuck else is there? Am I s'posed to spend my youth singin' in the church choir? Like I can't do that when I'm sixty.

Family, friends, government, strangers, it don't fuckin' matter. Everybody out for themselves, shittin' on each other, fuckin' up their lives and everyone elses', tellin' themselves there's a reason, and they got the right."

I raised my hands, palms up. The manacles jangled, and the prosecutor took an involuntary step back.

I smiled at him. Then I turned to the jurors.

"So...judge me all you want, 'cuz I know you got to. You got to, because you know, not-so-deep-down-inside, that every fuckin' one of you wishes you had the balls to do what I did: I cut through the bullshit, and I fuckin' lived. And if you let me get away with it, you just might be tempted to go try it yourselves."

I leaned towards the jury box, ignoring the judge's gavel and the attorney's objection.

"No matter what happens to me, do yourself a favor: do it anyway."

Entered By Ray From Austin
2009-08-28 05:20:08

In real life, the prosecutor just holds up a photo and goes, "Chickens...even rubber chickens...should not be treated like this." And then he shows the jury some pictures, and when they're done throwing up, they send you to jail.

Entered By charliemine From a grocery store near you
2009-08-30 08:45:27

Oh, come on, the goats barely even bleated. Ya big sissy. But I guess I shoulda just argued that the chickens were hanging out of that particular orifice because the goats ATE them....

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