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Like Santa, But With A Different Kind Of Sack by Ray Printer Friendly

So it's about 87 degrees in my apartment right now, and my air conditioner doesn't give a damn. I've been doing math homework for the past two hours. And for some reason, there are these little gnat things flying around everything that even thinks about resembling light. It's annoying, it's irritating, and I'm pissed off.

And so begins Hate Week 2009.

I've been waiting for it this year, kids. I have been chomping at the bit, as it were. I have been biting my tongue and counting down from ten and taking deep breaths. Because lately, I have really just wanted to punch the world in the face.

Before I get too riled up, I should take a second to explain about Hate Week. You can go back and read stuff from last August if you want (and January before that), but I doubt you'll do it, and I don't blame you a bit. And honestly, Hate Weeks changes a little with each year. It grows. Evolves.

It started as a quick joke I tossed out because Carey was talking about her new dog, or something. It has become a celebration of the last bit of sanity this world has to offer. The last bit of strength. The last bit of character.

Because the world is changing around us, kids, and it doesn't seem to be changing for the better. I'm not talking about the environment or the political situation or any of that other bullshit. I'm talking about how we're devolving into a world of idiotic, whining, pussies.

A lot of people I know are opposed to Hate Week, mostly because they're opposed to the idea of hate. "It's such a strong word," I've been told.

And yes, hate is a strong word, as far as words go. But sometimes strength is what's needed. Don't misunderstand my use of "hate."

I'm not saying you need to spray-paint swastikas on Jewish temples. I'm not advocating violence towards homosexuals. I'm not even saying it's okay to punch the d-bag at the bar with his three popped collars and his faux-hawk and his Axe body spray.

What I'm endorsing--nay, what I'm urging--is that we stop for a second and look around at the world. That we look around and see that we've taken it all too far. The hurt feelings, the sensitivity, the guilt. The nonsense. The stupidity.

That we look around and go, "You know, I hate the way this scene is playing out. I hate where we're headed. And I hate that ass-stick who just took up two parking spots with his cock-compensator of a vehicle."

I'm really hoping to delve into things a bit more as the week progresses. We'll see if I get around to it. There's a lot I want to cover this year, and although I'm guessing it's too much to hope for intelligent discussions, I'm at least hoping to spark a bit of thought. I would love to influence just one person this year.

Like when some guy decides he's going to sue the grocery store because he wasn't paying attention and drove his cart into a Snickers display, and ended up looking like a jackass in front of a pretty girl. He's getting himself all fired up, thinking about lawyers and court costs and settlements, and maybe, just maybe, he'll stop and think, "What was that thing I was reading about Hate Week? About people being whiny pussies? Hey! That's what I'm being right now! Never mind, paperwork gods!"

Yeah, I know it's not gonna happen. But you gotta have goals.

Welcome to Hate Week, Strangelanders. I'm glad you're smart enough to be here for it, and I hope you enjoy it.

posted 8/06/09


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