This was one of those rare months where I actually went out and did things. You know, stepped away from my computer and ventured into the world to see if there was any truth to the things I’ve read on the internet (hint: nope).
The good thing about this is that I feel like I’m doing something with my life, or accomplishing something. Whatever. The bad part is, I don’t usually have a way to write down all the things I hear, so the First Of The Month Quotes suffer considerably.
Comic Book Guy commented that last month’s FOTM Quotes were the worst ever, and it’s almost like I went out of my way to top that record this month. So thanks, guy, for inspiring me.
“You grind up a hooker and snort her, it’ll get you higher than you’ve ever been.”
“I’d totally fuck a Cheez-It in its tiny little hole.” [that link doesn’t go anywhere gross, but I still find it eerily disturbing]
“I’m pretty sure God is punishing you for your jokes.”
“No way—everybody loves a good cock joke.”
“She made me stop farting in the refrigerator.”
“I didn’t even realize it was a walker. I thought it was a bar, so I almost tripped over it.”
“If he’s fucking a melon, you know his name is Ronnie.”
“Eighty-eight-cent hotdogs and generic frozen pizzas—welcome back, my life.”
“Once I start masturbating, you’ll get all the good Skittles.”
And that’s it. Yeah, I know. I can’t even blame it on my friends. I heard lots of funny stuff, and I even had piles of text messages saved up. But in a moment of complete brain-betrayal, I deleted all messages, and was left with nothing.
As always, feel free to add your own quotes in the comment section.