Usually, I don't get too excited about writing the first "News" post of the month. Like, if this site was a porn movie, the first post is usually where the tubby guy with the creepy facial hair is working behind the Luby's lunch counter, and the hot young co-ed is asking for creamed corn. What? I like food with my porn, is that so wrong?
It is? Oh...well nevermind, then.
The point is, this is the part where the people are just standing around talking instead of getting down to business. The rest of the month is where the guy is swabbing her love chute* for like fifty-eight minutes. And then it just sort of drizzles away without any big finish, and you're done.
Just like real life, there is usually a bit of sobbing and a general sense of failure and disappointment. Unlike real life, at least with this site, I always get another chance to do better.
Anyway, this month is not like that. Because guess what kids? THIS MONTH WE GET HATE WEEK!
Starting August 6th, apparently. It used to be in January, but that was bad timing on many levels, so we moved it to August last year. That's the awesome thing about having your own holiday, is you can move it around.
So join us next...Thursday? Yep, Thursday. Join us next Thursday for the beginning of Hate Week 2009. I'm hoping to get some postcards printed out this week, so if you want me to mail you one, send me an email at email@example.com with your address. And possibly a picture, so I can decide if I'm going to start stalking you. Well, it isn't stalking, really--mostly I'll just masturbate onto your car tires and stand by your bed and smell your breath while you sleep. Lick all of your silverware. Stuff like that. But I won't follow you to work or anything creepy like that.
And don't think Hate Week is the only thing we have to offer this month. Oh no! We will also have our regular dosage of my whiny drivel and bad photography. Maybe a couple short stories or something. Not to mention the fact that sometimes other people write stuff, so that's interesting, too!
I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you're gonna stick around, this is a good month to do it.
*Off the top of my head, this was the most disturbing phrase I could think of to describe sex. Given time, I think I could do better.