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Thinking Ink by Ray Printer Friendly

I went into a tattoo parlor today. Aside from the woman with the ink gun and the guy she was tatting up, there were two Mexican ladies, and about a half dozen kids playing around. I realized then and there that I don't understand the world.

Do people take their kids to tattoo parlors? And if so, do they let them play around on the floor? Because really, I can think of a bunch of places that would be safer for a kid to play, and I don't even like kids.

In my head, the lady who brought the kids was getting a tattoo that read "World's Greatest Mom."

I was already feeling a little judgmental because I had just left a Baptist church, and don't even get me started on those freakin' people.

Anyway, I picked up a check from the lady who was giving people tattoos, and I went back to the office. Once there, I realized she had misspelled the name of the company on her check. So I went back. She quickly scrawled a correction on the check and handed it back. There was still a misspelled word, so I asked her to also correct it and initial beside it. Not because I'm all picky about spelling (although I am), but because it was one of those errors that actually makes a difference. Like if you spelled "Walmart" as "KMart."

She made the correction and handed the check back. As I left, I thought about how I wouldn't trust that woman at all to give me a tattoo. I've been thinking about getting another one, just some words, I'm not sure which ones yet.

But can I risk going in and getting a misprint inked onto my body for the rest of my life? I mean, the whole point of getting a tattoo is to look cool, you know?

You go in, you get like a broken crucifix and the words, "Born To Desecrate!"

Except when you leave, the shattered crucifix looks more like a pile of turds, and the words go, "Born to Defecate!"

Which--let's face it--would be my luck. Hell, I could be going in for a tattoo of a skull and crossbones, and I'd walk out with a statement about defecation.

"Are you sure you understand what I want? Like, a skull with a dagger between the teeth? Because that looks like you're writing the words 'Live To Poop, Poop To Live.'"

"Nah, those are just the eyes. Trust me, it'll be awesome."


posted 7/28/09


Comments:
Entered By Anonymous From Unknown
2009-07-28 23:55:59

Pooping IS very important, Ray.


Entered By Ray From Austin
2009-07-29 02:59:15

I am not arguing the importance of pooping, I just don't want to forever proclaim it with skin decoration.



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