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Conversations Through Text Message: Traffic by Ray Printer Friendly

Fuck. Stuck in stop-and-go traffic. 3 miles an hour. Nobody is ever available to talk during rush hour. Why is that?

It's a rule, I guess. Why all the traffic? Just typical?

Pretty much, yeah.

Well that sucks.

It really does.

So how far have you gone since you got stuck in traffic?

Maybe five miles. I accidentally made a face at a woman just now. I glanced over and was startled at how ugly she was.

Wow. That's terrible. Did she make a face back?

Hard to say. That's how ugly she was.



Like the elephant man?

But with freckles.

That is terrible.

On a scale of 1-10, how evil is it to offer the homeless woman with a sign that says "2 kids and hungry," 10 bucks for a handjob?

Very evil.

I said on a 1-10 scale.

Oh. About an 8.

8 seems almost manageable.

You must have terrible karma.

Oh, I do.

Do you wonder why?

But I think this counts as a good deed. Her children will get to eat.

That's now how it works.

It should be. I get a handjob, Homeless Tina gets to feel pretty, and little Darla and Marcy get to eat something other than thrown-away beef from the Taco Bell dumpster.

What makes you think she gets to feel pretty?

Because I'll tell her while she's jerking me off. I will also tell her she's a wonderful mother.

(several minutes pass)

I'm going to assume by your silence that you have come around to my way of thinking.

No, I was just eating supper.

Too late.

Surely not.

What can I say--I'm a quick finisher.

Well...on that note, I'm going to go back to writing.

posted 7/15/09


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