Fuck. Stuck in stop-and-go traffic. 3 miles an hour. Nobody is ever available to talk during rush hour. Why is that?
It's a rule, I guess. Why all the traffic? Just typical?
Pretty much, yeah.
Well that sucks.
It really does.
So how far have you gone since you got stuck in traffic?
Maybe five miles. I accidentally made a face at a woman just now. I glanced over and was startled at how ugly she was.
Wow. That's terrible. Did she make a face back?
Hard to say. That's how ugly she was.
Like the elephant man?
But with freckles.
That is terrible.
On a scale of 1-10, how evil is it to offer the homeless woman with a sign that says "2 kids and hungry," 10 bucks for a handjob?
I said on a 1-10 scale.
Oh. About an 8.
8 seems almost manageable.
You must have terrible karma.
Oh, I do.
Do you wonder why?
But I think this counts as a good deed. Her children will get to eat.
That's now how it works.
It should be. I get a handjob, Homeless Tina gets to feel pretty, and little Darla and Marcy get to eat something other than thrown-away beef from the Taco Bell dumpster.
What makes you think she gets to feel pretty?
Because I'll tell her while she's jerking me off. I will also tell her she's a wonderful mother.
(several minutes pass)
I'm going to assume by your silence that you have come around to my way of thinking.
No, I was just eating supper.
What can I say--I'm a quick finisher.
Well...on that note, I'm going to go back to writing.