If you're reading this, congratulations. The Swine Flu hasn't killed you yet.
Neither has the Avian Flu.
Nor Mad Cow.
Nor Al Queda.
Nor nuclear war.
Nor corn syrup.
Nor second hand smoke.
Nor acid rain.
Nor poisoned peanut butter.
Nor poisoned apples.
Nor poisoned Tylenol.
Nor poisoned Halloween Candy.
Nor drunk driving.
Nor unprotected sex.
Nor not wearing a seat belt.
Nor not wearing a helmet.
Nor listening to that awful music so loud.
Nor George Bush.
Nor Barak Obama.
But always, and I mean ALWAYS, watch out for Jimmy Carter. He's probably crouching in a dark corner of your room right now with a trench knife clenched between his teeth and a poem about country living in Kansas he really needs to carve into your spleen.
Jimmy Carter is a threat to us all!
Of course, if Jimmy Carter doesn't get you, Global Warming will. Or the next Ice Age. Or the next Ice Age movie. Or a giant Asteroid. Or a huge Hemoroid. Or maybe Al Gore will just bore us all to death.
We live in a world where a child has to stay in a car seat until they are eight.
I grew up seatbeltless bouncing around the back seat of a shit brown station wagon while my folks gunned it to get some extra air over those cattle guards.
You know what? I liked it, and I wouldn't trade it.
Every person I know over the age of 40 grew up in an environment that would now have Child Protective Services checking them into foster care.
I'm sick of all this Bullshit!
Swine flu is not going to kill us all.
True story kids, so listen up. The regular old flu kills about 36000 people a year in this country. That's the CDC number. So far, the swine flu has killed 1 person in the good ol' US of A.
I've got no paranoia left in me. I can't take any of it seriously anymore.
Someday, something might actually come down the pike that will wipe out society, but I'll be too burnt out to even pay any attention.
Instead, I'll be here at the Strangelands with the rest of the freaks, howling into the darkness and waiting for Jimmy Carter to finally carve a decent poem into somebody's spleen.