Home Login Contact



I Went For This Walk... by Ray Printer Friendly

I just finished writing a couple of pretty big pieces, so I'm taking a break from the serious story-telling for the night. Because my life is so stressful. Hey, man, you try sitting around in your underpants for like sixteen hours a day, drinking generic aftershave and screaming at imaginary dolphins. It isn't as easy as it sounds.

Anyway, I got a new camera for my birthday a few months back, and I’ve been meaning to tell you about it for quite a while. It’s a Nikon D-60, and if there’s anyone out there who doesn’t think that’s more than enough camera, you can go screw, because it is.

I’m amazed by it, honestly. Sometimes it just takes good pictures without me even knowing. I empty out the memory card and I’m like, “Hey, who swiped my camera and took all these awesome pictures of coffee beans and sunflower seeds?” Then I remember that I got black-out drunk on anti-freeze the night before and the answer works itself out from there.

Seriously, if you’ve been wanting to drop some pretty serious cash on an awesome camera, I recommend this one. I’m no hoity-toity photographer—in fact, I don’t even know what that means, and I’m a little amazed that spellcheck let me get away with it, especially considering that “spellcheck” just got me a red flag—so my photos probably don’t do this camera justice. In fact, if any of them turn out to your liking, it’s more luck than talent, I promise.

But whatever.

I was supposed to go to the grocery store the other day. I needed eggs, I believe it was. And fabric softener. It was a quick trip to the store, and then back home to work on school stuff. So of course I ended up miles out in the wilderness, and then driving all around Northwest Austin. Because seriously—education blows.

Lucky for all of us, I took my camera with me.

Ray’s Photo-Procrastination: A Photo…Series?

First stop, coffee and McMuffins. Actually, I got a breakfast burrito (feeling daring, and trying to watch my weight). McDonalds breakfast burritos taste like regurgitated hobo shit. Unless you’re into that kind of thing, you should probably stay away.

Oh, yeah, this was a monkey and a penguin. It should have gone first, because it was in my living room.

An armadillo. When I tried to take a picture of him with my camera phone, he didn’t give a damn, but when I busted out the Nikon, he ran like a little bitch. King of the jungle, my ass.

Here’s my coffee cup, out defiling nature. Don’t worry, I didn’t leave it there—I threw it at some bicycling hippies later on in the morning.

Helicopters. In the city, they have smaller ones, nicknamed “Ghetto-birds,” if Ice Cube has taught me anything (and he has). Out here, we don’t have enough crime for that, so they fly in military transports to kill people, and then the smaller helicopters fly in to investigate.

Juniper: it’s like nature’s gin.

A tree.

Another tree. This one has a bird.

This is where dead bodies go.

No nature hike would be complete without finding a pair of bloodstained underwear in a bag.

Steps to somewhere. Was I breaking into someone’s house? It’s the age old question.

Blue Bonnets. They’re the state flower of Texas, you know. Am I desperate for captions right now? Why yes I am—thank you for asking.

I’d be full of shit if I said I didn’t dance on this grave a bit.

And this one. It’s like in a horror movie, when the hero watches the final vampire burn in the sunlight.

And this is what made the entire walk worthwhile. As if this paintjob wasn’t awesome enough…

…check out where it’s parked.

posted 4/07/09

Entered By Anonymous From Unknown
2009-04-08 21:50:47

Hahahahahhaa! Okay, kick ass camera, and awesome pics. The bluebonnets are very artistic, and there is something strangely disturbing about the cup in all that rugged wilderness. But what I'm laughing about is "the bodies". That's some funny shit. So glad you have a camera to distract you from the dolphins for a bit. Did you remember to put on some pants before you headed off on your walk-about? If not, lemme know when you're going next time. I've got a Rebel (Canon) with a telephoto lens. Takes great action shots. ;)

Entered By Karen From Indiana
2009-04-13 02:39:57

Some of the photos are missing (the coffee cup and the juniper.) Very jealous of the camera. Since when did the armadillo claim to be king of the jungle? Is that a Texas thing? Funny that I came here to share a photo and the caption, after much time away, and found you'd posted this. Here's the caption: "It's like a levee, except for zombies." And the photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/joeschmitt/3435007382. It doesn't rival bloodstained underwear in a bag, but still, it was pretty funny.

Entered By Karen From Indiana
2009-04-13 02:45:21

Hey, I came back to this page and there were the missing photos. I guess they only load for repeat visitors (a blessing and a curse kinda' thing.) These photos are good, btw. And of course the captions, well, you can't blame Nikon for those, can you?

Entered By Ray From Austin
2009-04-13 03:40:00

I've had to refresh to see all of them, but I thought it was just me. Where the hell have you been, by the way?

Add Comment:
Name: Location: