Every morning, I wake up and tell myself that Iím going to start going to bed earlier. Because honestly, what the hell do I do at night thatís so important? Nothiní, thatís what.
But then, as bedtime draws near, I find myself at the computer, either wasting time or in the middle of something important, and although I know I should go to bed, I donít. Other times, I actually try to go to bed. Iíll toss and turn in bed until I doze, and then I usually wake up ten or twenty minutes later. Iíll do that through most of the night, and then I wake up feeling like shit.
So itís hard to force myself to bed when I know that Iím going to be a wreck no matter what. Might as well stay up and do some writing. Or check my email. Or just stare at the computer as music plays, wondering why the hell Iím not asleep.
I could do something productive, like get ahead on school work, but when I do that, I generally end up staying up even later. Plus, it isnít nearly as fun.
So here I am, awake.
It isnít even late, if you want to know the truth. Ten oíclock. But my princess has gone to bed, and my friends are disconnected for the night. The only person who seems to be up and around is my shit-brain bitch of an upstairs neighbor who tromps around constantly. Her and her stupid little dog, I donít know what theyíre doing up thereóteaching dinosaurs to do jumping jacks or something.
Anyway. I figured Iíd try to write a post about something, but nothing interesting has been going on, which leaves me in quite the predicament.
Iíve been trying to write a short story to slap up here, but they keep turning into long stories. Which leaves me in another predicament. Short stories are kind of my thing, because I can post them here when Iím finished, and because I have the attention span of a mosquito, so itís difficult to stay focused long enough to write anything longer.
When stories get too long to be short stories, I have to make a decision: do I keep going and hope for the best, or do I stop, knowing that I never finish the longer stuff?
Iíve never written a novel. Even when I start out with that goal, I usually drop out at around the 200-page mark. In case youíre wondering, it sucks to write two hundred pages and then suddenly realize that you really donít feel like writing that story anymore. Iíve heard from a few sources that youíre supposed to work through thatójust keep writing, even if what youíre writing is crap. Write it, they say, and you can edit it later.
Iíve actually tried this, and I felt it sucked even more than abandoning the story altogether. A lot of times Iíll go back through an old story, when Iím too awake to go to bed, and too dull to write anything. There are times that Iíll pick it back up, write another ten pages or so, and then put it back. I find that if I try to plow through and continue to write, it just makes it that much more difficult to pick back up.
So I donít do that.
Iím currently working on one novel and two more stories that are trying really hard to escape the short story category. And although I write on them pretty much every night, I wouldnít say that itís going particularly well, because I donít see an end to any of them anywhere in the near future.
Damn, this is boring. Hey, hereís a picture of the new cover for Not Quite Hate.
If you want to look at the back cover and inner book flaps, you can check it out here.