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It's Not The Age, It's The Penis Size by Ray Printer Friendly

Welcome to a new month, Strangelanders. February, I believe it is. I don't have much use for this month, really. I mean, there’s that pain in the ass pseudo-holiday in a couple of weeks, and the President’s Day/Flag Day thing. But Valentine’s Day mostly just pisses me off, and I’ve never celebrated those other two things. There’s also Ash Wednesday, but I don’t even know what that means.

Which is funny, because in this day in age, it seems stupid that I wouldn’t know a thing like that. I mean, I’m sitting at a computer right now. Do you know how long it would take me to find out what Ash Wednesday is? About five seconds. Like, in the time it’s taking me to write this sentence, I probably could have found out what Ash Wednesday is.

I just don’t care.

So yeah, that’s what I’m going to practice this month, is my apathy. I’ve decided to stop trying to get better at the things I’m no good at, and just focus on my strengths. I mean, why go to school to try to learn something new when I can just use my natural abilities, right?

What’s that? I probably can’t making a living being apathetic?

Meh. I don’t care.

As far as things around The Strangelands: pretty much business as usual, I guess. Except…wait a minute.


So much for being apathetic. And so much for hating February, even though it is a total shitstain of a month.

That’s right, kids—we turn five this month. Five years of this bullshit, can you believe it? If we were real people, we’d not only be potty-trained, but we’d also be speaking in complete sentences, running around spreading germs to our betters, and lighting up our first cigarette.

If you want to get us presents, you should know that we’re partial to booze and strippers. We prefer our booze straight, and our strippers breathing, but honestly, we’ll take both any way we can get ‘em.

So, yeah, happy birthday to us.

posted 2/01/09

Entered By Karen From Indiana
2009-02-03 03:10:29

Happy Birthday, Strangelanders! It feels like just yesterday, and yet, like forever. Yeah, I don't really mean that... it's just what people say. It's a lot nicer than, "Good god, how have you lasted this long?!"

Entered By Ray From Austin
2009-02-03 03:31:36

How have we lasted this long? Viagra.

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