I think I might go to sonic.
That could be fun for you.
Probably not fun, but I might go anyway. You want me to pick you up anything?
Two hookers and a cherry limeade.
I only have enough for two of those. You dropping the limeade or one of the hookers?
Are dead hookers cheaper?
Yes, but they’re more effort.
Oh. Just the limeade, then.
Yeah, usually cherry limeades don’t have as many diseases as dead hookers.
They are better for your health. This is true.
That would be hilarious to see someone drive up to Sonic and order a dead hooker.
You should try it. “Yeah, I need one dead hooker and an order of hobo bindles.”
What the hell are bindles?
I knew you were going to ask that. It’s the bag on a stick thing that hobos carry.
They don’t even sell those at Sonic! What ae you trying to do—have me make a fool of myself?
Sorry. I meant hobo kidneys.
And a Diet Coke.
That should be a part of Diet Coke’s next ad campaign. “Nothing goes with hobo kidney like a cool, refreshing Diet Coke.”
They would make millions.
And we could fulfill our lifelong dream of opening up a hobo parts stand.
I wasn’t aware of that dream.
It was one of your favorites.
I think you’re confusing that one with the one where I marry Troy Aikman.
Nope. You liked this one more. It was going to be called Homeless Joe’s Hobo Partorium. And we were going to be winners.
Well ar long ar we are winners, I’m in!
Did you just turn into a pirate?
Why? Did you see that?
Um. Nothing. Why do you ask if I turned into a pirate?
All of the “ar” stuff going on in that previous sentence.
I probably meant “as.” My phone always does that and I forget to fix it.
So what were YOU talking about?
You better tell me right now.
I thought you might have seen me practicing my sword fighting.
Were you doing that?
You want the truth?
Of course I was.
My sword, of course.
Do you really have a sword or is this some sort of innuendo?
Ok, ok. It was a broom. It was still out from when I was sweeping the living room floor.
I bet that’s how Inigo Montoya started out, too.
Now if only a six-fingered man would kill your father.
That’s a horrible thing to say.
I thought you wanted to be a great swordfighter.
Not if my family comes to harm.
If you want, I guess I could kill your dad. I only have five fingers on my right hand, but my penis is pretty tiny, so maybe that could count as an extra pinky or something.
Stop talking about my dad’s demise.
Fine. Maybe I could just push him down and you’d become a mediocre swordfighter to avenge him. Like you couldn’t kill me, but maybe you’d smack me in the arm with the side of the blade.