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Sick In More Ways Than One by Ray Printer Friendly

So I'm still dog-puke sick, which is just really outstanding, I assure you. I got over the stomach stuff--apparently that was an entire different illness that I had at the same time--but the exhausted, headache, sore throat, congestion thing, that's still around.

In fact, pretty much everyone in Austin has it, from what I understand. I went to school yesterday, it was like a colony of sleepy, coughing, sneezing, dripping freaks. Kind of like Snow White, but without all the sexy necrophilia.

One of the guys in class was saying something about it being a stomach parasite that screws you all up. I would've thought a stomach parasite would do more like the puking, shitting-all-over-the-place thing, but apparently this one gives you a cold-like sickness that lasts for about two weeks.

I don't know much about stomach parasites, other than they're pretty gross and sometimes they can make you shit blood (when I came across that interesting little article, I decided to stop researching--you guys are on your own). I don't know how you'd spread a stomach parasite, really. I mean, I can think of some ways, but they're all pretty disgusting, and slightly erotic. And I doubt they have solid foundations in reality.

But if that's what's going on, I wouldn't be surprised, because nobody seems to be getting any better. In fact, pretty much everyone says the same thing--they'll start feeling pretty good for a while, and then it comes back to bitch-slap them.

My first thought, of course, was that this is the virus that ends the world, except for small bands of survivors. One side will be good, one side will be evil, and they'll meet somewhere in middle America to battle it out. Kind of like The Stand, only not as long.

I was kind of put out, because I always wanted to be one of those guys who got to fight it out at the end, but it's looking like that won't be the case. I suppose it could be one of those things where the people who initially get it end up recovering. Like maybe the parasite evolves, and kills people who get it when it's in its later stages, but the people who originally had it, they're immune.

Which means the world, so far, is going to be in the hands of a bunch of junior college kids and dirty hippies. I'm pretty sure I'll end up being on the evil side. They'll be all, "This is our chance to start over and do it right! We can live together in harmony, we can be one with nature, we ca-"

"Screw you, ya dirty hippie. I declare war on you and your smelly clan."

"But...we all stink. Because no one left knows how to work the water treatment plant, we are without water. You smell just like us."

"Yeah, but you smelled like that before. Now give me all your food and a couple of your women--the least hairy ones."

And then HIYAH! Karate kicks to the neck for everybody.

More than likely, though, I'll just end up dying in the first wave. And after reviewing the survival scenario above, I guess that's probably better for the world.


posted 11/07/08


Comments:
Entered By Leslie From Texas
2008-11-10 20:11:16

Hope you get to feeling better. Nice to see your imagination's still healthy, though -- well, maybe "healthy" isn't exactly the right word. Glad to see you still have your creativity. Yeah, let's go with that.


Entered By Ray From Austin
2008-11-10 21:40:46

Yes, I'm feeling much better, thank you. I tried to write a post telling everyone that I was healthy (as healthy as I ever get, anyway), because I know how you guys all worry yourselves sick over me, but it turned into a big puddle of whining, so I deleted it. But, yeah, I'm fine now, so you can all stop stressing out about it.


Entered By Karen From Indiana
2008-11-11 03:33:45

If you deleted everything that turned into a big puddle of whining, what would you have left? Two, maybe three posts?


Entered By Ray From Austin
2008-11-11 04:21:49

Shut up, Karen. I write short stories, too.



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