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First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Not Many This Time, Either by Ray Printer Friendly

Instead of an intro this month, I'm just pasting in segments of an email conversation I had that sums up this month’s quotes:

_______________

them: Quality over quantity, baby. Except in the case of money. Cuz' I'd take a big ol' pile of dusty, crumpled 20's over 3 crisp neat dollar bills. But nevermind.

Maybe it's not really that amusing. I'll know better tomorrow once the cold medicine and cabernet wear off.

me: So are you sick, or just taking alcoholism to the next level?

them: The pathetic truth is that I had a wicked cold but took enough medicine so I felt better. Better enough to forget that I had taken a slightly larger than recommended dose of Severe Cold Formula. Toss back a coupla glasses of vino and KA-POW -- momma's putting the leftover chicken in the china cabinet.

_______________

The moral of the story is that we don’t have many quotes this month, and you should always take cold medicine while drinking.



“I called drunk tonight because the Quotes sucked this time and you need something funny for next month.”

.

“This is why you don’t let a Frenchman make a hamburger.”

.

“You and your stinkin’ ESP penis.”

.

“What does that say about your life, when you sit around staring at your own asshole?”

.

“I almost called you this weekend to tell you I hate you.”

.

“We said ‘cock clapper.’”

.

“I’m gonna go titty-fuck myself.”

.

“He would have done pretty much anything you told him that morning, except eat a pancake.”

.

“I got really bored halfway through ejaculation.”

.

“We’re creepy when we try to be funny.”

.

“Did you say there is clitoris all over your house?”

.

“My fuckin’ butt-crack looks like a fuckin’ bull’s eye!”

.

“Do you ever get winded eating gummy bears?”

.

“He could probably out jazz-music me, but that’s about it.”

.

“Science wants its finger up your butt.”

.

“It’s not like I’m ever going to become a reasonable human being.”


And that’s it, kids. If you feel ripped off, blame it on my stinkin’ friends. Although really it’s probably because I hung out with them last month, instead of just talking to them on the phone. When you’re talking in real life, you generally don’t have paper handy, and if you do, people get nervous when you start writing down the messed up things they say.

But still, blame them.


posted 11/01/08


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