I spent the day doing homework, so I don't really have anything for you to read. Except that rik texted me, so I have that conversation. So here:
Ray: there has got to be a way to make football-watching filthy.
rik : Itís just not as easy as it was when troy was playing.
Ray: true. picturing that guy banging all his teammates in the locker room was way easy.
rik : Shut up
Ray: fine. i meant banging country music singers and female reporters.
rik : I donít think that is much better
Ray: but didn't he really bang country singers?
rik : Just one
Ray: one's enough, i bet. out of all singers, i bet country music singers are the worst in bed. you know who i bet can fuck? religious music people.
rik : Just for the record, you started this upcoming religion thing
Ray: no, i'm done. i'm just saying those dirty hypocrites, you know they fuck like the end times are near.
rik : Even the republican ones?
Ray: the republican ones are the WORST. they put things in their butts and cross-dress and shit like that.
rik : How strange. What are they putting in their butts?
Ray: all kinds of stuff. cucumbers, fish sticks, magic markers, batteries. It doesn't even matter to 'em. As long as they have stuff up their butts.
rik : I bet they get discounts for butt shoving things shipped from alaska
Ray: moose horns and pipelines and stuff.
rik : Thatís crazy that they are shoving whole pipelines up their asses.
Ray: republicans, man--you never know WHAT the hell they're willing to do. W is apparently trying to destroy the entire planet.
rik : Yes. Its like he actually became the villain of the entire world.
Ray: he's like a James Bond villain, but if you were making a parody. Like an Austin Powers villain, but not as smart.
rik : Thatís a great description of him
Ray: But back to important discussion. How's the game going, and do you have anything up your butt?
rik : Dallas is winning now and there is nothing up my butt. What about you?
Ray: Dallas is up my butt. wait...no that's not right. nothing up my butt. tomorrow, though, there will be a republican convention there.
rik : You special ordering from alaska?
Ray: Are you kidding? I'm special ordering ALASKA. And some lube. Alaska up my butt is quite a...stretch.
rik : You can do it. I believe in you!
Ray: Don't believe in me, it's all lies. Nothing is going up my butt. Not even republicans.
rik : But your country needs you
Ray: I find that when discussing things up the butt, the word "need" is open to interpretation. As is "patriotic duty."
rik : Good point. Well itís tied now.
Ray: have we figured out how to pervert the game yet?
rik : Why are you always trying to pervert such a great thing?
Ray: perverted things ARE great things.
And thatís where our conversation ended. I can only assume itís because she agreed with me so hard that she couldnít bear to type any more.
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed above do not reflect the beliefs of The Strangelands. Or me. Frankly, I donít give a shit either way about Democrats or Republicans. I just like saying people put things in their butts.