Hello, and welcome to July. Thank you for choosing The Strangelands as your carrier, and we hope you enjoy you your trip. Please note the vomit bags on the back of the seat in front of you—you’ll more than likely need them before all is said and through. Also, please notice the emergency exits here, here, and here. They are all safely welded shut, so in case of emergency, you should tuck your head between your knees and wait for Batman…in theaters July 18th. It will be your duty and obligation to attend.
Other important dates include the unoriginally-named Fourth of July—sometimes called July Fourth, or Independence Day—and July First (Canada Day, if you believe in that kind of thing).
If there is a decrease in air pressure, oxygen masks will be deployed. If you have children, remember to securely fasten your mask first, because you can always make more children. The oxygen masks will have tiny rubber penises attached to the front, so in the event that you must use them, remember that you will probably die anyway, and if you choose to use up our oxygen in your last moments, you’ll die a dick-nose. Just something to think about.
Once again, thank you for choosing The Strangelands, and enjoy your July.