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Hate Week Marches On by Ray Printer Friendly

No, Carey. It’s not “Dislike Week.” HATE Week, okay? Don’t take this away from me.

Sorry I put your puppy on the hate list. If we can call it Little Z, I guess I’ll take it off the list.

Just finished reading “Hate and Love..A Fine Line,” and am forced to do a little rebutting of my own. Rebutting? That just sounds weird. What I mean is, here is my rebuttal.

Love and hate the same thing? No, man. That takes all the fun out of it. If you do it right, you don’t even have to waste energy on hating. The secret is, just make it part of your lifestyle, and it will all come naturally. Like this: I hate the idea of calling “Hate Week” something watered-down like “Dislike Week.” See how easy that is? Let’s all try.

Okay, so say that the robots have finally taken over the world. They’re all mad because for years we’ve been making them work in fast food joints, so their desire to destroy the human race is pretty understandable. So they capture you, and instead of a quick, painless death, they strap you to a chair and force you to watch daytime television for hours on end. Kind of like that movie Clockwork Orange, but much, much worse. You’re sitting there, assaulted by a barrage of Judge Judy, People’s Court, Divorce Court. And you haven’t even made it to lunch yet. Then you’ve got all the crappy soap operas, because the robots won’t do anything remotely humane, like just let you watch the news (because, really, all the news has on it these days is more robots, talking about how they’ve taken control of the planet and we all need to report for our punishments). And then come the afternoon talk shows—Oprah, Dr. Phil, whatever crap show they can find that will take up an hour or so with weepy women, teenage pregnancy, or celebrities.

Now, my question is, do we “dislike” the robots for this? No. No, we don’t. We hate the robots.

Good. Let’s try again. This exercise is to show us the difference between love and hate, and also to show us how thick that line is.

Example one: You’re walking down the street and someone hits you in the face with a dirty toilet brush. Do you love that or hate it?

Example two: You’re sitting there, all hungry, and you alls the sudden get a big plate of delicious tacos. Do you love that or hate it?

See? Nobody “dislikes” getting hit in the face with a dirty toilet brush, and if you think that you do, it’s because you didn’t imagine the toilet brush dirty enough. And if you DID imagine it dirty enough, and still don’t hate it, then you should go get some help…immediately. Go on Dr. Phil or something.

Before I end this little tirade, I will try to work on a compromise for young Ms. Hyde. It’s still Hate Week, make no mistake about it. But here are some acronyms to help you through the week:

Hostile

And

Trifling

Egomaniac

Or perhaps:

Have

Aggression

To

Explore

Or here’s one that oozes sarcasm like a horrible goo that will turn ordinary turtles into ninjas:

Happy

And

Totally

Easygoing

So there. These are the things that we can celebrate instead, okay? Except for the happy one—that defeats the whole purpose of Hate Week.


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