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Hate Week by Ray Printer Friendly

Leave it to Hyde, man. The tag line, in case you haven’t noticed, is “No Time For Love, Dr. Jones.” One of the best movie quotes ever, in my humble opinion, from the hands-down worst Indiana Jones movie ever. No real reason for it (the tag line, I mean—I’m pretty sure the only reason for Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom is so that they could use that clever line about no time for love), but sure enough, there’s Hyde, whipping out her first post in something like ten years, and it’s gotta be something called “Puppy Love.”

What up, Hyde? What part of “No Time For Love, Dr. Jones” don’t you understand? NO TIME FOR LOVE! Puppy or otherwise. I’m pretty sure she did it just to spite me. Because of Carey’s blatant disregard of my tag line, I’ve decided to declare this Hate Week. It just now turned twelve a.m., so let Hate Week begin.

Hate Week will run from today, Thursday, January 6, until next Thursday. I’m not sure what all Hate Week will entail, but I have a feeling that I’ll be really good at it. Anyone who reads this, if you have any good ideas about what a guy should do during Hate Week, feel free to e-mail me at this address: ray@thestrangelands.com, or just write your own post.

And if you don’t read this until later, still e-mail me. We’ll be celebrating Hate Week next year, too, and maybe I’ll be able to have some sort of a party. I haven’t really had any time to plan one for this year’s Hate Week, since I just invented it about five minutes ago.

To get the ball rolling, here’s a short list of things that I hate:

1. People who come up to me while I’m smoking and tell me that it will kill me.

2. My job.

3. The Customer.

4. When people come up and start talking to you and their breath smells like they’ve been eating poop all day, or maybe chewing poop-flavored gum.

5. When you’re walking around, all pissed off at the world, and somebody says some dumb shit like, “Smile—it’s not that bad!” And you’re not allowed to punch them in the balls or whatever.

6. Not being able to ram into other drivers with my car.

7. Babies that are so cute that whenever they’re around, all the females in the vicinity go, “Ahhhh,” and then whatever story you were in the middle of telling is lost.

8. Running out of cigarettes right in the middle of a good bender.

9. Thinking that I have cancer.

10. When you’re telling a sexist joke that’s making fun of handicapped people and then you turn around and there’s this blind ninja chick on crutches and she whips your ass for being so insensitive.

11. The fact that any two morons who can figure out how to stick a penis in a vagina can reproduce. And if they can’t figure that much out, they can still probably figure out how to work a VCR and then they can get a dirty movie that will tell them exactly how to do it.

12. Puppies…especially Hyde’s puppy, even though I haven’t met it. (Honestly, though, it’s not so much the puppy I hate as much as the fact that I know that every time I talk to Carey from now on, she’s going to mention something about her dog.)

So there you go. Hate Week. Dig it.


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