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A Bit About A Few Things by Ray Printer Friendly


Uhg, man. That about sums it up for the moment. Two in the morning, and I’m finally calling it quits for the day. Although, to be honest, I did stop for a break earlier—a shower and a three-hour nap before getting back to it.

What’s the “it” that I’m getting back to, you ask? School work, of course. I spent most of the day finishing up the last of my digital imaging stuff, which consisted of making a web movie ad using Photoshop. Here’s the web ad:

It doesn’t look nearly as good as I had originally hoped. In my head, I had all these grand plans of making something that actually looked like a professional movie poster. What I didn’t count on was all the rules and restrictions that would apply to the project.

See, the first thing we had to do was make a design poster. The catch was that we couldn’t make any color adjustments or blend any layers or anything. Which meant I had to make something out of the scans I had brought in—a stencil template and a color photograph—without adjusting the colors. It doesn’t really sound that hard until you try it. But see, one’s a color photograph, and one’s a piece of paper with a hole in it. Here’s what I ended up with:

I feel compelled to mention that the picture I turned in was cleaned up much more than this one—no white lines around the stencil face and stuff. For some reason, I saved the wrong file three times, and ended up bringing home the shit one. It should be understood that when I say “for some reason,” what I mean is that the jackass sitting beside me wouldn’t stop hounding me with his dumbshit questions. If I wasn’t such a slacker, I’d clean it up before showing it to you, but the truth is, I don’t care, and I don’t think you care. If you wanted quality, you’d be somewhere else, am I right?

Anyway, from that original poster ad, we had to make a print ad. I spent a day in class working on it, and then, for some reason, saved the wrong file. At the time, I wasn’t sure if I had deleted the correct file off of the computer at school, so I quick made another one just in case:

When I got to class the next day, I found the original project I had worked on. But dig this: For some reason, I still ended up turning in the wrong file at first. I had to re-send it to the teacher, and even then, I included the stand-in file.

To clarify (without the clever word substitution): Because I was so distracted by the fucktard who sits next to and asks me shitstupid questions nonstop, I managed to not only bring home the wrong set of files (three tries), but I also turned in a wrong file. Not once, but twice.

Homicide would be legally acceptable at this point, right? Has to be.

Anyway, here’s the original print ad:

I guess that’s it for tonight. I thought I had more to tell you, but my grasp on things isn’t so great at the moment.

Oh, here’s something—while I was writing my code for my web design project (that’s what I worked on after I finished up with the Photoshop business), I came across this:

Angelica, My Love:

I don’t mean to alarm you, my dearest, but things here have gone awry. I know we decided I should befriend my Uncle Jacobson to show that we love him and subject ourselves into his good graces…but I’m not sure.

Yes, that was in my computer code. At some point, I integrated that with the lines of XHTML I was typing out. In my defense, I think it might have been a simple copy/paste error, but it’s still unsettling when you’re going along, reading about divs and headings and you find a random paragraph of correspondence to someone you don’t know from someone you don’t know.

It was a story idea I didn’t want to forget, so I quick typed it out one night. I thought I saved it to a notes folder. Instead, I just pasted it into my code, apparently. But when you see something like that, your first thought isn’t something like, “Huh, I must have copy/pasted that instead of saving it in a separate file.” No. Your first thought is, “Holy shit, my computer’s haunted. And writing letters to strangers. And it’s calling me Uncle Jacobson, I think. Which is just weird.” Well, that’s my first thought, anyway.

I should clarify that I’m not a big believer in ghosts, or much of the supernatural, for that matter. But—and this will shock the hell out of you, I’m sure—I have a pretty active imagination. So instead of taking a quarter-second to think logically through a series of events, my first instinct is to blame my previously-made mistakes on ghosts and then run away.

And that concludes the school work update. Because I know you were dying to hear about what’s going on with all that. And like the pizza man in a porn movie says, “I deliver.”

Also like the pizza guy says, “Take it, baby! Take it all!” That doesn’t really have anything to do with anything, but I’ve always wanted to say it…without having to hear the laughter that generally follows, and jokes about small genitalia that accompany the laughter.

posted 5/04/08

Entered By Karen From Indiana
2008-05-07 12:50:05

"If you wanted quality, you’d be somewhere else." Good one - it's both funny, AND true.

Entered By Ray From Austin
2008-05-07 13:17:10

Pulled from the international bestseller "Ray's Incredible Book of Wedding Vows."

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